


Hollywood Undead Songfics

by AwokenMonster



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Depression in We Are, Domestic Violence in Let Go, Insanity in Hear Me Now, M/M, Public blowjob in War Child, Suicide Attempt in We Are, huggable Danny in Mother Murder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-19 10:46:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9436769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/pseuds/AwokenMonster
Summary: A story based off of every Hollywood Undead song. Warning: bromance, slash, swearing, shameless sex. We don't own a thing and don't like don't read.





	1. City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> City songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> Let's watch the city burn  
> From the skylines on top of the world  
> Till there's nothing left of her  
> Let's watch the city burn the world

Everyone has their favorite spot where they’d like to be alone. Whether that is your own bedroom or the roof, it doesn’t matter. It is a place where you’re able to hide away from the world. A place that is your own. No one can hurt you’re there. It’s a safe spot. A place you can call your home when your own house suddenly doesn’t feel safe anymore. J-Dog personally liked a certain cliff. The cliff leaned against a mountain and had a breathtaking view over the skyline of Los Angeles. He loved to sit on the edge, let his feet dangle and just watch the city.

Sometimes he looked down just to see how high he was in the sky. It made him feel better every time, though it was nothing compared to the beautiful sight over the city.

He enjoyed the view, but tonight it didn’t seem as satisfying as usual. He could hear a faint scream of a lady in mistress but no one would save her. No one would come to her rescue because the whole world was so rotten. If it wasn’t serious enough, the police wouldn’t even look at it. He hated it. Sometimes he just wanted to set the city on fire, just to get the attention and show everyone how rotten the world had become. Though he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to get away with arson. Sometimes he just wished he could be like everyone else and pretend it was all okay.

Everyone else was just fine with dealing with their own problems and moving on with their lives after those battles had been won. J-Dog wasn’t. After all of his own battles, he still wanted to make a difference. He wanted to be able to have so much power he could save the world from the corruption. He was long lost into those thoughts, not even realizing what was happening around him anymore.

He didn’t even realize someone was standing about 10 feet behind him. The wind rustled through the leaves and grass. J-Dog closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft breeze in his face. The night had fallen quickly so you could barely make out his figure on the edge of the cliff. His silhouette didn’t escape Johnny 3 Tears’ eyes.

“Enjoying the view?”

J-Dog jumped slightly startled and looked over his shoulder at his childhood friend. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same”, Johnny shot back, closing the distance between them. He dropped down next to his friend on the cliff and sighed. He leaned his elbows on his knees and lowered his head.

“I come here when I wanna be alone”, J-Dog hinted, glaring at Johnny.

“Me too”, Johnny smiled sadly, looking up at the beautiful skyline of Los Angeles.

J-Dog shut his mouth and leaned backwards, holding his arms out for support. “What’s bothering your mind?”

“Just about every insecurity in my life”, Johnny snorted, shaking his head slightly. He looked back at J-Dog to silently return his question. J-Dog just shrugged. “I just hate the world sometimes. Everyone pretends it’s all fine while people die too soon each day.”

Johnny made a pained sound and straightened his back. “You can’t think like that, Jay.”

His friend shrugged and lowered his head. “Everything is just so fucked up. While children are fighting for their lives, we’re having a fight with Deuce through interviews!”

Johnny wrapped an arm around J-Dog’s shoulders and slowly rubbed a spot between his shoulder and neck. “Are you still thinking about that douche?”

“He used to be my best friend, Johnny. Of course I still think about it. I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life”, J-Dog whispered, leaning into his buddy.

Johnny half-hugged him. “I know, but it’s his own fault. You shouldn’t be pondering anymore. Just look at the bright things in this world and you’ll forget about the bad things.”

“What bright things?” J-Dog mocked while he softly shuddered because of the cold air. Johnny had been smart enough to put a jacket on before coming out there, but J-Dog hadn’t thought that far. “Let’s see. There are many bright things. The sun always comes back to chase the darkness away. You’ve got five wonderful friends ready to comfort you whenever you grieve over the loss of a sixth friend. The usual bright things. Do you know what keeps me upright?”

J-Dog cocked his head. “What?”

“I have a little kid running around. It’s my own blood and flesh. I have to remain a big boy if I want a nice future for her”, the blue masked member answered. He pulled J-Dog closer against him to warm him a little. “You should really see things in a positive light.”

“I still don’t see it”, his friend replied, looking down at his feet.

Johnny smiled and lowered his hand to the other’s waist. “Whenever something bad happens, something good happens in return. A woman gets raped in a dark alley, but on the other side of the world a woman is reunited with her baby. While some guy kidnaps a girl, a doctor has found a cure for a certain disease. Positive and negative balance each other. If it wasn’t like that, the world would just fade away. A perfect world is a world without dreams, because you can only dream when a nightmare exists. If there is no bad, there is no good. Both are needed to make a unique world we would want to live in. You see a homeless person? Somewhere else a homeless guy has finally found a place to live. It’s all about balance, Jay.”

He looked down at his friend, only to find him with closed eyes leaning against him. He snuggled closer into the warmth and mumbled in his sleep. “Bright…things…”

Johnny chuckled and caressed his back. “Yes, bright things. Sleep tight, my friend.”

They didn’t have to set the city on fire to prove their point. All they had to do to make the bad things fade, was think about the positive things. There were more good things in this world than there was bad. There would always be more good than bad because the day it would turn around, the good things would be even more precious. They had to hold the good things close to their hearts. Good things like the fame they had, the love of fans and most of all, they had each other. Things always get better with your best friends around and Johnny felt invincible with the five others around him. J-Dog should feel that way too, he only didn’t realize it yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	2. Another Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Way Out songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> You better run, better run, better run, yeah I’m coming after you  
> When you’re sleeping at night, yeah there’s nothing you can do  
> There’s no place you can hide 'cause I’m coming after you  
> I wish there was another way out for you  
> I wish there was another way out for you

The bus was a total mess. The carpet was all wet and covered in confetti. Some utensils which belonged in a drawer, lay around on the floor. There was a very good reason for that. The boys aboard the bus had gotten really bored out of their minds. Who? The members of Hollywood Undead. Not all of the members were a part of this mess though. Danny had yet to return from a quick visit to his house.

While they were awaiting his arrival they had gotten really bored and thought of a nice game. They split into teams. Da Kurlzz and Charlie Scene formed a team while Johnny 3 Tears and J-Dog were in a team. Funny Man was still a little fuzzy because of the night before. He’d been completely wasted so now he was experiencing the hangover. The others made him the deciding vote of their game. They were having a prank contest. Each pulling worse pranks every time they’d gotten the chance.

At first it was all fun and games. Charlie had put tape all over the door to their bunks so when J-Dog walked out, he got stuck in all of the tape and fell to the floor. Johnny had been walking behind him and gave both devils who were responsible for this, a death glare. A glare which promised some sweet revenge. The jokes had been going on for a few hours now. Johnny had taken revenge with a confetti canon shooting right in Da Kurlzz’ face.

The team that was currently winning, was Team J-Dog because Da Kurlzz accidentally scared the shit out of Funny Man with one of his creepiest Halloween masks laying around. One of their ground rules was ‘do not prank the judge or you will lose a point.” So Team Charlie had lost one point, leaving them dangling behind the other team. Though it wouldn’t last long.

It was evening when Charlie came up with the idea. The prank was so old and so many times pulled that it might just work out for them. It was a classic prank. “It’ll be priceless”, Charlie said with sparkling eyes. Da Kurlzz chuckled, still thinking it was their worst idea ever.

J-Dog walked into the room. He had just woken up from his nap and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’m gonna go to Del Taco with Johnny, wanna come?” he groggily asked.

Charlie was about to get up and go with them when he was reminded of their joke. “No, we’ll stay here”, he answered dryly, earning a suspicious look from J-Dog. “You’re actually saying ‘no’ to Del Taco? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I’m just not hungry”, Charlie replied, leaning backwards in his chair.

J-Dog shook his head confused, leaving the bus with Johnny. Perfect timing for them to set up their idea. Da Kurlzz got into the bathroom, looking for a bucket.

When he found one big enough, he filled it with ice cold water and put some ice cubes in it. He ran back to Charlie and handed him the bucket. Charlie placed it on the ledge above the door, wrapping a string around it and connecting the piece of rope with the doorknob. “If we’re lucky, both guys get covered in ice water”, Da Kurlzz chuckled.

“Where’s Funny Man? We don’t want to lose another point”, Charlie questioned.

Da Kurlzz looked around, walking towards the back to see if he was in his bunk. Funny Man was asleep and snoring slightly. While Da Kurlzz was watching Funny Man he heard a shrill scream coming from the other part. He laughed, knowing someone had opened the door and gotten the ice water all over them. He went to see who the unlucky bastard was, but froze when he saw it.

The one who had gotten the icy water all over him, pulled the bucket off his head and gave Charlie a murderous glare. It wasn’t J-Dog and it certainly wasn’t Johnny. Danny was the unlucky bastard who finally reached the bus after visiting his family. He had walked a long while and it was cold outside so he just couldn’t wait to get into the warm bus and relax. He didn’t expect to get covered in ice cold water. Da Kurlzz held back his laughter and scanned a soaked Danny. “Man, you must be pretty pissed at Charlie for doing that”, he commented, earning a glare from his friend. If there was one thing Kurlzz knew, it was to stay away from Danny’s bad side. Never get on his black list. Since Charlie would never ever be on Danny’s blacklist, he thought it would be okay to put all of the blame on him for this once. His best friend would understand, right? Maybe not now, but soon he would understand why he had betrayed him.

Danny pointed his scowl at Charlie. “You better run, bitch!”

“Oh fuck”, Charlie yelped, running for it past Danny.

Danny dashed after him outside, ready to murder him and feeling the warmth slightly return as he chased the little devil. Da Kurlzz couldn’t stop laughing at Charlie’s frightened face and gripped his sides. J-Dog joined him and got a strange glance from the drummer. “When did you get back?”

“I knew something was up because Charlie refused Del Taco. On our way home we encountered Danny, making him get in first”, J-Dog chuckled, getting a confirming nod from Johnny.

Kurlzz widened his eyes and started clapping. “That is just priceless. The two of you definitely win this round.”

“Shouldn’t we help Charlie? It looks like Danny is going to kill him”, Johnny piped up, pointing at the two of them. Charlie was already starting to get tired while Danny still ran at full speed. The bandana vocalist hated his bad condition and his lack of practicing sports right now.

J-Dog took a good look at them and shook his head. “No way. If we interrupt, Danny will kill us. I wish there was another way out for Charlie.”

Johnny chuckled and started singing the beginning of their song _Another Way Out._ Both other men laughed along while Charlie was running for his life. After 30 minutes he finally gave in. Panting, he came to a halt and held his hand up to Danny. “Danny. Please… Spare me.”

Danny patted his back and laughed. “I think I’ve punished you enough by making you run like that.”

“Oh thank God”, Charlie sighed relieved while he tried to catch his breath.

Danny rolled his eyes and tugged the other along inside the bus. Funny Man was awake and only just heard the story from Johnny. “Oh man, why wasn’t I awake to see that?!” he laughed. J-Dog was seated next to Da Kurlzz on the couch, greeting them as they got inside. “So it’s solved?”

Charlie nodded. “I’m getting away with it!” he cheered while Danny was standing right behind him. Danny shook his head and made a hand signal to show the others he was still going to take revenge, but when Charlie turned to him, he just smiled happily. His sweet smile gained a hug from his fellow bandmate. The others weren’t surprised by that. They all had their hugging moments and Charlie was no exception. When he let go, Danny turned his back to them. “I’ll go take a shower. Those ice cubes slid down my back into my pants!”

“Good to know!” Funny Man called, thrusting his freshly opened can of beer in the air.

Charlie flopped down on the couch. “I’m so happy I can finally sit! Running is really tiring.”

“Watching your back must be too. I’d be careful, Charlie”, Johnny winked, sipping his own bottle of beer. Charlie froze and turned to his blue masked bandmate. “What do you mean?”

“By telling you he won’t attack, he makes you drop your guard”, J-Dog answered before his friend could. It made the main rapper shudder. “Danny isn’t like that! He’s the silent, sweet and caring one.”

“Have you seen him on stage? That guy’s got some fire inside”, Da Kurlzz said, nudging his best friend slightly to scare him.

“Shut up!” Charlie whined and the others laughed.

When Danny returned from the shower, he sat down next to his soon-to-be-victim and leaned lightly against him. “Today sure was tiring.”

“Yeah, how was everything at home?” J-Dog asked.

“Fine. Louie was happy to see me”, he smiled at the memory of his cute dog’s wriggling tail. The rest of the evening was filled with shits and giggles. A cozy night for once because the night before they’d already spent their time clubbing. Around midnight they had their last laughs, feeling tired and ready to get in their berths. Though Charlie was stuck and wasn’t able to stand up. Throughout the night Danny had been leaning more and more to his side until he was leaning with his back against the other’s side. What’s the problem then? Danny was sound asleep and softly mumbling things in his sleep. Da Kurlzz was ready to wake Danny, but Charlie held him back. “Don’t wake the guy. He deserves some sleep.”

Da Kurlzz shrugged, switching the light off and getting in his own bunk while Charlie would sleep on the couch with a tired lead singer against him. The main rapper sighed and put an arm around Danny. He kind of deserved this after letting the bucket fall on top of an innocent victim. Da Kurlzz deserved punishment too because he was part of the plan, but he didn’t come up with the idea. So Charlie Scene settled himself against the couch and closed his eyes. In the dark Danny opened one eye and smiled smugly. His revenge was sweet, yet sneaky. He sighed and snuggled into Charlie’s side. Yet another day for the members of Hollywood Undead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	3. Coming Back Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming Back Down songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> I just can't escape  
> It's like you're here with me now  
> But the words you say  
> They always seem to fade out  
> Since you been away  
> I'm just a face in the crowd  
> Someday, someday  
> I know you're coming back

The first thing he thought when he saw his best friend stumble, was “SAVE HIM!”

 

A nice day out with the six of them. It was supposed to be a nice day out with the six members of Hollywood Undead. Just a nice day. As they were crossing a bridge, it was all fun and games to pretend to pull one of them over the edge. The bridge was about a hundred feet away from the water surface. It was a common place for suicides, but that didn’t scare the boys. They weren’t feeling like jumping anyway. Charlie Scene wrapped his arms around Da Kurlzz, dragging him backwards with him to ‘try’ and throw him off the bridge. His friend laughed and struggle out of the grip. He succeeded, making his best friend stumble backwards.

The whole scene went into slow motion. Charlie stumbled backwards, flailing his arms around. The other four suddenly heard him scream and turned back to see what was going on. Da Kurlzz froze. He didn’t think. He didn’t know what to do when Charlie fell over the edge. All he did, was reach out with his hand and scream “Charlie!”

Da Kurlzz ran to the railing and looked down, just in time to see his best friend hit the water surface harshly. He ran towards the end of the bridge and down the stairs to jump into the water and get Charlie out of there. He would drown! He pulled him out of the water and lied him down on the grass. He was unconscious. Suddenly the slow motion went fast forward. Angry screams and sobs turned into sad sobs as the other four tried to comfort him and tell him it wasn’t his fault. Da Kurlzz didn’t believe them. He was the one who made Charlie stumble. The ambulance arrived and brought Charlie to the hospital. All five of them rushed there and quickly sprinted towards the room they’re best friend was lying in. Da Kurlzz wanted to get in first, but the doctor told him to wait outside as they were still tending to his injuries because of the harsh fall. Falling from such height onto water was like falling onto concrete. When he was about to get angry with the doctor, Danny pulled him back. “Dude, don’t.”

“I need to see Charlie. I need to make sure he’s okay!” Da Kurlzz complained, his voice breaking and tears filling his eyes. Danny pulled the taller one in his arms and hushed him, whispering sweet things about how everything would turn out fine. Johnny 3 Tears rubbed his back reassuringly, helping Danny in comforting. There were no chairs in front of the door so the five of them sat down against the opposite wall. Da Kurlzz was sitting in the middle and leaning his head on J-Dog’s shoulder. He was tired from worrying over his best friend. He needed to see him. He just didn’t complain anymore because he knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere. The others would just feel worse about it. He couldn’t pretend like he was the only one who was deeply concerned; the others were as well.

Soon the doctor walked up to them. “Jordon Terrell’s friends, I suppose?”

“Yeah”, Funny Man answered for them while they got on their feet.

The doctor opened the door for them. “He slipped into a coma as we were examining him. He’s got a few broken ribs. We can’t assure his recovery.”

Da Kurlzz covered his mouth and nose in hands and softly cried. J-Dog wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him against his chest. “It’s going to be just fine. Don’t worry.”

One by one they entered the hospital room and took a seat. Da Kurlzz took the chair closest to Charlie. He looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping. He rested his own hand on the other’s and smiled sadly. “I know you’re coming back down.”

Danny took a seat on the other side of the bed while Johnny took the last seat by the window. Funny Man didn’t know where to sit so he sat down on Johnny’s lap, not giving a flying shit what he thought about that. J-Dog awkwardly walked around the room because he didn’t have a seat. Eventually Danny offered his seat and just took place on the other’s lap. Who cared? They didn’t.

Hours passed and Charlie didn’t even stir. He was connected to a heart monitor which slowly beeped. The first ones to go were Funny Man and Johnny. They would come back the next morning. Next J-Dog left, also promising his return the next morning. Danny and Da Kurlzz remained behind with their friend. The drummer hadn’t said a word to anyone else since he joined Charlie’s side.

“This isn’t only because you feel guilty, right?” Danny softly asked.

Da Kurlzz snapped his eyes up. “Why do you think so?”

“He’s your best friend. You’re afraid to lose him.”

“So what if I am?”

“It’s not a bad thing. When I joined the band, J-Dog was the nicest to me and I can’t stand the feeling of losing him as my best friend”, Danny responded with a sympathetic smile. The curly friend nodded tiredly and squeezed Charlie’s hand. “He’s everything I need in my life. He needs to know just how much I need him by my side.”

“He will. Don’t worry”, Danny hushed, lying his head in his arms on the bed.

Da Kurlzz turned his head. Would he ever wake up?

An hour later Danny left. By that time it was already night. The drummer wasn’t planning on going home. He didn’t want to. He refused to go home and leave his friend alone. He didn’t even want to close his eyes, but that was a difficult task. In the next two hours he let his eyes fall closed and slept with his head on the bed.

Da Kurlzz awoke to a certain sound. It was a loud beep, constant and never changing, but that wasn’t the only thing that awoke him. He also woke up to the sound of people running around and dragging him outside so they could work. What was going on? When he was fully awake to comprehend what was happening, he felt the tears fill his eyes once again. Charlie Scene, his best friend and main rapper of the band, had no heartbeat. If they didn’t succeed in bringing him back, he was dead!

Without giving it a second thought, he called J-Dog because the others never answered their phones. “Hello?”

“Jay? Charlie…”

“What is it? What about him?”

“I think we lost him”, Kurlzz cried. He didn’t have the courage to confirm they lost him and he didn’t want to say anymore. The other side of the line was silent for a long moment until an unsteady voice broke through. “I…I’ll inform the others and we’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Thanks”, Da Kurlzz whispered, wiping the fresh tears off his cheeks and watching the door closely to see if any doctor was coming to tell him the news. No one came except for his four other friends who arrived. Funny Man was still in his pyjamas, but at least he was here. Right at that moment, the doctor came outside. He hung his head low and they already knew what was going on. “I’m sorry”, he said. “We couldn’t save him.”

The moment went back to slow motion. Danny and Johnny held Da Kurlzz back from the doctor as he cried and tried to get to Charlie. “Liar! He’s alive! He would never give up! He’d never leave us!”

Soon Funny Man jumped in between Da Kurlzz and the doctor. “Kurlzz, chill! Losing your cool won’t bring him back.”

Da Kurlzz calmed down and leaned his head against Funny Man’s shoulder. “It’s my fault.”

Johnny and Danny let go of his arms and patted his shoulder. “No one could’ve predicted he’d… die.”

The word had been said. Charlie Scene was officially dead. Nothing could bring him back, not even the weeping of his best friends. They couldn’t bring him back. It wouldn’t work out. At that very moment Da Kurlzz went numb. He barely knew what was going on as he followed the others outside and into the bus. He vaguely heard Danny tell him how he should get some sleep before the morning arrived. Still numb he got in his bunk and fell asleep, hoping this was all part of a fucked up nightmare.

It wasn’t. Weeks passed by and things went on as if Charlie never even existed. Hollywood Undead was now five pieces and J-Dog took over Charlie’s rapping parts. Since the night at the hospital, no one had pronounced the name ‘Charlie Scene’ or ‘Jordon Terrell’. His wake had been brief since they had to get back on the road soon. Their best friend was dead and they didn’t even have the time to attend to his funeral. Da Kurlzz shut out the whole world and remained on top of his berth at any time, only coming out to play his drum parts and screams and to eat. The others didn’t bother speaking to him. They knew he wouldn’t listen and they knew he wouldn’t say a word.

At first he just shut out the world but still functioned physically, only absent psychologically. After another week he seemed to stop doing anything. He didn’t come out to eat, didn’t come out to play and didn’t even acknowledge the presence of others. Only moving slightly whenever the others brought a plate of food so he wouldn’t starve.

Both J-Dog and Danny were fed up with his behavior while Johnny and Funny Man thought they should give him some more time. “More time? It’s getting worse! He could seriously hurt himself to ‘join him’. Do you realize that?!” J-Dog spat.

Johnny innocently raised his hands. “It takes time to get over that. Remember ‘Levitate’? _My baby’s beautiful, she loves me true and if she dies, I hope I die too._ I get how he’s feeling right now and we should give him space.”

“But he needs us or he’ll stay this way”, Danny piped up.

“You always take J-Dog’s side”, Funny Man complained.

Danny snorted annoyed. “Because he’s right, dude.”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to push him. He’ll get back to normal when he wants to”, Funny Man stated, completely ignoring Danny now.

“One more week”, J-Dog warned before walking off.

Da Kurlzz wouldn’t change in a week. He’d already locked himself up for four weeks so what made the others think he would suddenly come out of there and be his usual self from before his friend passed away? Nothing changed and in a week, his four friends gathered before the closed door to their bunks. “Kurlzz, could you come out for a second?”

There was no answer and Funny Man walked up to the door, knocking it harshly. “Dude, get your lazy ass out of there NOW!”

Danny hit the back of his head, earning a pained yelp. He stepped forward to the door and softly knocked. “If you don’t come out, can I at least come in?”

There was still no answer, but the door unlocked. The other three were surprised he’d let Danny in. Why not one of them?

It was dark inside and Danny almost couldn’t see Da Kurlzz sitting on his bed, knees drawn up and face hidden in his arms. “What?” he hoarsely creaked. He hadn’t used his voice in two weeks so of course it made a weird sound at first. It’s like the moment you wake up when your voice sounds groggy.

“We’re worried about you”, Danny replied, climbing into the bunk and sitting next to their friend.

Da Kurlzz snorted. “Am I not allowed to grieve?”

“You are but you’re shutting us out. We want to help you, be there for you.”

“Can you bring him back?”

“No.”

“Then what makes you think you can help me?” Da Kurlzz responded rhetorically.

Danny sighed. “He was just too good for this world. I’m sure he’s watching us and scowling you for shutting us out. He wouldn’t want you to ruin your life by sulking all the time. He’s unable to tell you so I’m telling you.”

“…”

“I’m sure he misses you.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I feel it”, Danny smiled slightly, finally getting eye contact with the other as he lifted his head to look at his bandmate. Kurlzz thought about the words for a while, sighed and got up.

“What are you doing?” Danny asked.

“I wouldn’t want to disappoint Jordon, mr. I-Am-Connected-To-Heaven/Hell”, Da Kurlzz smiled slightly. The lead singer got off as well and embraced the other. “We’re here for you if you need us, just don’t lock yourself up.”

The drummer nodded and got outside the small room, getting cheered on by the other four. Soon he was sitting on the couch next to J-Dog and Johnny.

“What did Danny say that got you out of there?” the blue masked rapper wondered.

Danny crossed Da Kurlzz’ gaze and smiled. “Nothing, he was there for me and that’s enough. Besides Charlie isn’t gone. I can feel him, watching over us. I just had to open myself up to that feeling.”

“That’s so corny”, J-Dog chuckled, the others laughing as well.

Funny Man got back from the fridge and tossed Kurlzz a beer. “Good to have you back, dude, but you’re still a massive dildo.”

“Maybe that’s why your mom likes me”, Da Kurlzz said, raising an eyebrow and earning chuckles from the others around him. Somehow it still felt empty because Charlie wasn’t there to make a comment on the joke, yet the drummer felt as if his best friend was laughing along. He was there with them and someday he knew he was coming back down. Just for them. For him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	4. Apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologize songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> We don't apologize  
> And that's just the way it is  
> But we can harmonize  
> Even if we sound like shit  
> Don't try to criticize  
> You bitches better plead the fifth  
> We've been idolized  
> Role models for all the kids

**_Apologize_ **

 

Danny spread his arms wide and took a swing on his bottle of gin. “We don’t apologize!” he loudly sang, quite falsely because of the slur in his voice. He took a wrong step to the left side, another one to the right side until Johnny came up behind him to grab the bottle of gin. He took a swing himself, then forced Danny to lower his arms as people were starting to stare him. “Don’t be an attention whore. Act normal.”

Charlie swung his arm around Danny’s shoulder and held both middle fingers out. “And that’s just the way it is!” he added in that same slurring false voice.

The lead singer entered a giggle fit and held the rapper by his waist. “Go Charlie! Go Charlie!”

“But we can harmonize!” Da Kurlzz filled in behind them.

“Even if we sound like shit!” J-Dog screamed along.

Funny Man waved his hands around. “Don’t try to criticize!”

They pointed at Johnny for the rest but he remained silent. Danny poked him in the ribs. “Finish it.”

The blue masked rapper grimaced and sighed. “You bitches better plead the fifth.”

His five friends put their hands in the air and cheered loudly. “Yeah! Go Johnny!”

By now he didn’t even care if anyone was watching them. They were having fun and that was the only thing that would ever count to them. Danny moved along to an imaginary beat. “We’ve been idolized!”

“Role models for all the kids!” J-Dog yelled.

Charlie hit him. “It was my turn!”

His friend whined and hit him back. Da Kurlzz and Funny Man sighed in unison when their slapping fight started. The two hitting each other constantly until Johnny boomed between them like a lightning bolt. He held both hands against one of their chests and pushed them apart. “Cut it out, kids.”

“Sorry, daddy”, Charlie mocked.

Danny chuckled. “I didn’t know you had a daddy kink.”

“A what?” J-Dog asked, suddenly interested and totally forgotten why he was fighting with Charlie. He leaned in between them. “A daddy kink?”

“Yeah. Getting off on the fact that you pretend your boyfriend is your daddy”, Danny explained with a smirk on his face.

Funny Man poked him between the ribs as they walked on down the streets of LA. “Of course you’d know about that. Do you have a confession to make, Danny?”

The lead singer shook his head so heavily he lost balance and fell against Funny Man who caught him and held him upright. “Why are you always the one drinking so fast.”

“We should’ve never given him the bottle”, Johnny commented as he lost the empty bottle, then looked at Charlie. “I think he was implying you’re my boyfriend.”

The bandana rapper gasped so hard he choked on his own spit. After an awful coughing competition with himself, he regained control and looked at Johnny with a feigned hurt expression. “Am I not your boyfriend?”

“I love you”, Da Kurlzz tried, jumping in between them. The blue masked rapper grabbed the drummer by his shoulder and shoved him to the side. “of course you are, my love!”

Charlie burst out laughing at Kurlzz’ face and smacked his back. “There’s enough Charlie Scene for everyone!”

“Can I have too!?” Danny screamed so loud, it echoed off the tall buildings in the street. People turned around to look at them, but they didn’t care.

The bandana rapper walked over to Danny and patted his cheek a bit too hard so he was slapping him in the face. “Of course you can, baby.”

“Hands off”, Funny Man complained, snatching Danny against his side with an arm around him. “Fetch your own drunk dude to take care of.”

Johnny hid his face in his hand. “He IS the drunk dude that I’m taking care of.”

Da Kurlzz cocked his head. “Then who’s taking care of me?”

“I am!” J-Dog cheered, both hands in the air.

The drummer’s expression dropped to ground zero. “I’m the one taking care of a drunk dude, aren’t I?”

“Yeah”, the others replied in unison.

He sniffed. “Why? Why me? Why do I always get to be the guy to drive?”

“Ain’t no one driving”, J-Dog corrected. “We’re walking.”

The road went slightly up so they had to walk up hill. Charlie didn’t feel like walking anymore all of the sudden so Johnny had to walk behind him and push him further on. The bandana rapper just kept rapping his lines for Apologize until they were on top. He hung onto Johnny. “Hey, bae?”

“What?”

“Whatever you do. Don’t disturb Funny and Danny”, Charlie whispered too loud.

Of course the blue masked rapper couldn’t help but look at the duo. Funny Man ruffled Danny’s hair. The singer brought his hands up to smack his away, but he was too late so instead he lunged at the youngest member to do the same. The Mexican laughed and held him away. “No, you don’t.”

“Why can’t we disturb them?” Johnny asked quietly.

The main rapper started laughing and leaned in. “Come here. I’ll tell you a secret.”

Johnny leaned in. “What?”

Charlie pulled him closer until the other was about to pull away from the awkward angle. “Funny loves Danny so much. I think he might tell him tonight.”

“Danny’s shitfaced”, Johnny said aloud.

“No, I’m not!” the lead singer shouted. A passerby looked at him strange which caused him to cover his mouth with both hands. “I’m loud”, he murmured against his hands.

“And that’s like saying you love Kurlzz”, Johnny defended the Mexican.

Charlie shook his head furiously. “Funny’s my best friend. We share secrets like these. He secretly wants Danny’s attention and everything that comes with it.”

“Wanna bet over it?” J-Dog who seemingly had been eavesdropping, interrupted.

“I bet you guys they’re gonna hook up tonight or at least they’re gonna be together by the time they go to bed”, Charlie betted.

Johnny shook his head. “I believe nothing’s going to happen between them tonight.”

“I bet Funny tells him his feelings but he gets rejected”, J-Dog offered.

The drummer rolled his eyes but jumped in as well. “I bet Danny tells him his feelings and gets rejected.”

Charlie put both thumbs up. “What are we betting over?”

“Thirty bucks”, Da Kurlzz offered, looking into his wallet. The others nodded in agreement.

Danny peaked his head between their secretive circle of conspiracy. “What are you guys whispering about?”

“Where to get some pizza”, Charlie replied naturally. “Kurlzz said he’d pay us pizza.”

“I did not!” the screamer jumped in but he was too late, they were already talking about getting pizza and letting Kurlzz pay for everything. He grumbled. Why him?

By the time he thought of a plan to sneak out of paying for the pizzas, their attention was already gone. Danny had found some sort of old, rusty trailer without a car to pull it forth. It was just standing there in the dark alley. No man in sight to control what was happening to it. The lead singer of course had climbed on it and now Charlie was pulling it onto the street. “Let’s have fun!”

Johnny ran after Charlie but he had already pushed the trailer off hill and jumped on it. The thing was racing down the road at a high speed. The blue masked rapper bit on his knuckles so he wouldn’t scream. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?! They could get hurt so badly.”

Funny Man ran after the trailer all the way down but he was way too slow to get the trailer. People on the sidewalks glanced at what was happening but no one actually tried to stop the trailer. “Danny! Charlie! Stop that thing!”

The lead singer had both hands in the air and kept screaming “wee” as they neared the end of the hill. Charlie was singing Apologize again.

J-Dog had a hand in his hair. “Oh shit, that’s not gonna end well. He was still standing on top of the hill, together with Johnny and Da Kurlzz.

Funny Man was still running after the trailer. “Guys!”

The thing just kept rolling further even after the hill had stopped. Further on there was an alley but it was a dead end. They would crash into the wall. Suddenly Danny wasn’t wee’ing anymore and Charlie had stopped singing. “Oh shit.”

“Jump out of it!” Funny Man screamed.

The bandana rapper turned around and jumped out of the back of the trailer, rolling over the ground and ripping his pants in the process. He held onto his knee in pain. “That hurts like a bitch.”

“Are you ok?” Funny Man asked.

Charlie put his thumbs up. “Danny’s still on that thing.”

The Mexican looked into the distance and saw the trailer. “Danny! Jump off!”

The lead singer stood up and jumped, his foot hitting the back of the trailer and giving him a nasty spin. He fell harshly onto the asphalt and cried out for the whole street to hear. By now Johnny, Da Kurlzz and J-Dog had caught up with them. Johnny leaned down and checked Charlie’s wound while Funny Man had sprinted off towards Danny who was lying in the middle of the street.

“I bet they’re gonna hook up now”, Charlie said in between his pained whines.

“You asshole. You could’ve killed Danny”, Da Kurlzz scolded.

The bandana rapper pouted and got up. He limped a bit, but Johnny put a shoulder underneath his arm. “Does it hurt?”

“Yeah.”

Funny Man patted Danny’s head as he sat upright. He held his head in both hands. “It hurts!” he cried out and leaned against the Mexican’s warm shoulder. The other held him closer and tried to wipe some of the dirt out of his face but the dirt had mingled with the bloody wound on his cheek. “It hurts!”

“What hurts?” Funny Man asked.

The lead singer held onto the Mexican. “My ankle, my head, my shoulder. Everything!”

His ankle was twisted in an unnatural position. “Easy. You’re alive, aren’t you?” Funny murmured. The lead singer nodded with a pouting face and the Mexican smiled. “The moment you jumped off and got stuck, I felt a small heart attack. I thought you’d be injured really badly.”

“This is badly!” Danny snorted.

Funny Man shrugged. “I meant in life danger or something.”

The lead singer shook his head, then held it in his hands because everything started to spin. “Were you worried?”

“I was.”

Johnny cleared his throat and made them both look up. J-Dog poked him in the ribs. “Way to go. You broke the meet-cute moment!”

Charlie lowered his head. “Hey Danny. I know we’re not supposed to apologize at the end of the night, but… I’m sorry.”

Danny crawled upright and used Funny Man to manage to stand upright. “Don’t be sorry, Charlie! Look! We’re both injured!”

Da Kurlzz rolled his eyes. Of course you can’t scare the drunk away.

The bandana rapper smiled. He seemed to have sobered up. “My knee is scraped. Your ankle is definitely broken.”

Danny thought about it, then pretended to fall back. Funny Man caught him and held onto him. The lead singer smirked from ear to ear. “Don’t be sorry, Charlie. If that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have this one taking care of me now!”

Johnny widened his eyes. “Oh come on. Don’t tell me I’m gonna lose the bet.”

Funny Man cocked his head. “What?”

“We’re betting about you two getting together”, J-Dog blabbed.

“J-Dog!” Charlie shouted.

“Funny and me?” Danny asked before bursting out laughing. “No way. That’s never gonna happen.”

Funny Man joined in on the laughing. “You didn’t actually think… Danny and me? No way.”

It looked like Johnny had won the bet. They helped Charlie and Danny get home and helped them in bed. Before Funny Man walked out of Charlie’s room, his friend called him back. “Funny?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you ok?”

The Mexican swallowed a hidden sorrow and turned to his friend with a weak smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because Danny…”

He felt his eyes start to water but his weak smile remained on his face. “Didn’t you hear? That’s never gonna happen”, he whispered and closed the door behind him.

Johnny did get his money, but when he saw Funny Man walking out of Charlie’s room he felt horrible about it. Instead he gave the money to J-Dog who looked at him surprised. “But you won.”

“No, you did. We were just too blind to see it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	5. Levitate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levitate songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me,  
> You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me,  
> You know that I can make your body levitate, le-levitate,  
> I can make your body levitate, le-levitate! (you know)

_**Levitate** _

EVERYONE saw. It was on Youtube. God, how could he have let that one slip? It wouldn’t even have been that bad if they had laughed it off, but they didn’t! They didn’t laugh it off so Danny was left with the most embarrassing silence in his entire fucking life. Would it be pathetic to laugh at his own ‘joke’? Yes, it would, so instead he turned dead serious and stammered an “uh” into the microphone. “I’d have to say Costa Rica, go visit my dad”, he replied to the question of where he’d love to go and had never been. Charlie had replied “heaven”.

The lead singer thought it would be funny to fill him in with a line out of Levitate, but no. Instead Charlie made him feel awkward. The rapper had given him a side glance, his eyebrows moving down momentarily, but if you weren’t sitting as close, you could’ve never noticed his slight expression of disgust hidden behind his small smile. So wait, it was ok for Johnny to go for a sexual innuendo but not for Danny? He handed the microphone to Funny Man with a scoff. But as he leaned over, he pressed the light switch, turning the lamp off and making Funny Man look up as he accepted the microphone. Danny pressed the light back on. The Mexican replied the same as Charlie, nodded in satisfaction. The rapper smiled and it felt like they did have a connection while Danny was left out. Even worse when Charlie murmured. “Then I’ll take you there, baby” while Johnny replied “Rome”.

The lead singer zoned out and before he knew it, he was handed the microphone to say his name once more. “Danny”, he said quite clearly, handing it to his friend on his right. Funny Man once more said their beloved line “me freaky” and made him crack a smile. He couldn’t be angry with them. They were just too funny. After the interview they got up and went outside. J-Dog was sick so it was just the five of them.

If he hadn’t been sick, Danny was convinced he would’ve come to him and asked him if he was alright. He knew the lead singer had an anxious feeling about not fitting in whenever they joked around. He was also convinced he’d shrug and murmur something intelligible so J-Dog wouldn’t notice it was a sore spot on his feelings. Even worse! Not only did he joke without having anyone laugh at it, but he also exposed his feelings in the most vulnerable position ever to be seen by mankind: Charlie’s judgment. He shook his head when the thought crossed his mind.

Charlie had looked right into his soul, seen every wish he’d ever had, every desire in his heart and above all; his not-so-friendly-yet-not-romantic-feelings for the rapper. He blushed at the thought. He just liked Charlie around, idolized him, tried to be like him. He just made him laugh so much.

When the bandana rapper was picking on Matt again, Danny felt jealousy boil, yet when he thought about going on a date with him, he wanted to vomit. Charlie Scene was definitely not that type, but Danny still felt like dreaming about him.

Lately the bandana rapper had been way too busy with Funny Man and Da Kurlzz to even notice the lead singer. He was wondering when that had happened, but instead of doing something about it, he himself had grown close with J-Dog and sometimes with Funny Man.

With J-Dog sick, he was now left to wonder what to do with himself. Charlie was basically laughing around with Matt and Funny Man. Danny shuddered when he looked to the side. Johnny was walking next to him. He still found the blue masked rapper intimidating. He offered him a small smile and Johnny cocked his head. “What’s up with you, Danny? You don’t seem yourself?”

 _What? Because I’m smiling at the blue legendary poet of the band I desperately try to fit in?_ He thought bitterly, but he refrained himself of spilling the words out by biting his lip. He shrugged. “It’s strange without Jay.”

“Because he’s not here to pamper you?” Charlie scolded, not even turning towards Danny. The lead singer offered him something between a scowl and a pout. A powl? A scout? Anyway, the empty words weighed heavy on him and he suddenly felt the need to call J-Dog and ask him to scold the bandana rapper, but he didn’t. That would make it seem like he was being pampered.

Unexpectedly, Johnny jumped on it like some sort of spare Jay. “Fuck off, Charlie. You don’t have to be so rude just because you got dumped.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he tried to suck them back in, but he couldn’t. It was too late. Danny’s interest peaked. Dumped? No one told him Charlie got dumped by his high school sweetheart. The bandana rapper stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. “Just because I got dumped? Did you really go there because I spoke the truth?”

The lead singer let out a shaky breath. This was escalating quickly. He took the words straight to his heart, but Funny Man reassuringly shook his head to signal the rapper didn’t mean it.

“Why are you suddenly picking on Danny?” Johnny asked, stepping closer and showing him he wasn’t intimidated.

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Because he doesn’t belong with us. Look at him. It’s like five members of Hollywood Undead and one American Idol reject that we pitied and took under our wings like an abused, stray dog!”

The lead singer trembled all over. Johnny, Da Kurlzz and Funny Man dropped their jaw at the insult. The Mexican tried to get closer to Danny to tell him it wasn’t true but he stepped back. “No. Stay there. That’s what you think of me, Charlie? Thanks, good to know. You can explain to everyone why the lead singer left after the album’s out. No wonder Deuce hates you. You just chase away every lead singer.”

With those words he ran away, not back to the bus. He just ran away to anywhere but there. Only a single sentence following him. “Yeah sure! Run away when shit gets tough! You’ll get far with fleeing!”

He had never expected Charlie to be that vicious to him. He had expected Johnny to say something like that, but not Charlie. He received a text message from Funny Man.

_Funny: Where r u? C didn’t mean it. He just pissie cuz he got dumpd._

Danny let out a heavy sigh and didn’t text back. After maybe ten minutes of wandering around, he received another text message.

_J-Dog: Heard what happened, you ok?_

The lead singer bit his lip and hit the dial button. He had to call J-Dog and talk to him to calm down. He was feeling so alone, so hated, so alone, so hurt, so ALONE. And the worst thing of all was that he still liked Charlie.

The rapper picked up. “Danny? Where are you?”

“Just wandering around”, he replied, his voice sounding hoarse, no weight in it to hold it down. It squeaked when he thought about the earlier event. “Out of all the guys, I never expected Charlie to say that.”

“He doesn’t mean it, Danny. Recently his girlfriend broke up with him and now he’s been out of it for a while. Maybe you noticed he wasn’t himself?”

“I thought he was just hanging out with Matt and Funny more because he didn’t like me”, Danny replied.

J-Dog sighed on the other side. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it was a secret until everyone but you knew. Will you come back?”

“No”, the lead singer said, sniffling. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because Charlie will hate me so badly.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“He will!”

“Why would he hate you?”

“Because”, Danny said, sniffing, wiping a tear out of his eyes. “I like him. A lot. I’m idolizing him more than I should and it hurts. After his outburst I don’t think I can face him anymore with those feelings boiling inside.”

He waited, but J-Dog didn’t reply for a second. Then when the reply did come, Danny felt his heart turn to stone.

“Maybe I should’ve told you the phone was on speaker and we’re all here”, J-Dog said lightly, wincing as he spoke.

The lead singer let out a squeaky noise. “Now I’m never ever coming back. You’ll read about me in the news tomorrow”, he said and hung up. That was the most embarrassing moment in his entire life. He had never felt so humiliated. Yet it didn’t stop the text messages.

_J-Dog: I’m so sorry._

_Funny Man: I thought you loved ME to be honest_

_Funny Man: Sorry! I meant to say: we still adore you! Come back!_

_Charlie: We need to talk._

The lead singer almost wanted to throw his phone into a wall, but he didn’t. He read them again and tried to come up with a fitting reply. He smiled slightly at Funny’s respond, but then he realized what Charlie knew about him and the smile melted away. He never wanted to go back to the bus. He couldn’t help but text Charlie back.

_Danny: There’s nothing to talk about. I hate you just as much as you hate me. Goodbye!_

He felt witty about the text, but still he couldn’t help but feel slightly proud as it almost sounded like he did hate Charlie. He didn’t though. He liked him a lot. More than he anticipated.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around with a shout, holding his arms in a fighting stance. He cocked his head when he saw Da Kurlzz. “Matt?”

“We split up to find you”, he replied to the unasked question.

An uneasy silence.

“You like Charlie?”

“God, kill me”, Danny whined.

“It’s cool. He was quite unpredictable about it. We thought he’d freak out, but he was dead serious and told us to go find you”, Da Kurlzz explained.

As if it was his cue, Charlie send him a message.

_Charlie: Levitate_

The lead singer frowned. “Charlie just sent me ‘levitate’. What’s that supposed to mean?”

Da Kurlzz looked at the screen and shrugged. “Levitate. Is he talking about our song?”

“I think he is.”

“Didn’t you quote Levitate in that interview?”

“I did”, Danny awkwardly replied, remembering the moment the words had come out.

The drummer shook his head when he couldn’t figure it out. “Can we go back now?”

“No! Not ever!”

“You have to, Danny. We were worried sick”, Matt explained.

“But Charlie hates me.”

Da Kurlzz shook him by holding both shoulders. “CHARLIE ADORES YOU.”

Without waiting for a reply, the screamer grabbed the lead singer’s wrist harshly and dragged him back. Danny didn’t walk and just let himself slide over the sidewalk, but he really didn’t want to go back. He tried to walk in the opposite direction but Da Kurlzz was stronger than him and dragged him against his will back. “No no no no!”

“Yes yes yes yes”, Matt replied with a grumble, then throwing him inside the bus and closing the door without getting in himself.

Danny looked back. “Kurlzz?!”

“Hey”, came a voice behind him.

The lead singer smacked the door harshly. “Let me out! Are you trying to get me killed? Why would you lock me up with Charlie?!”

He turned viciously to the rapper. “What? Are we gonna play seven minutes in heaven?”

“So you like me?”

“Stop it. I know where you’re heading. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need your condescending look. I don’t need a hug. I don’t need you. I get nauseous just thinking about going on a romantic date with you. It’s a phase. An idol thing so whatever you’re thinking, get it out of your head”, Danny rambled, half expecting Charlie to cut him off but he didn’t. He waited patiently. Afterwards the lead singer was left breathless and there was a silence. “Well?”

Charlie shrugged. “Did you get my text?”

“Yeah. What was that supposed to mean? Levitate?”

“Do you know my lines?”

“How am I supposed to know your lines?”

“I can't help stop what's happening. On the wrong track, yeah, I'm back again.  
Up shits creek and I'm paddling. Blacked out room in a Travel Inn. Good ideas, I'm lacking them. I'm too fucked up, now I'm babbling. Wondering how to fix these damages. All these goddamn damages. Cover myself with bandages”, he rambled on.

Danny frowned. “So?”

“What are your lines?”

“You know I can take you straight to heaven if you let me~”, Danny begun but stopped when Charlie took a step closer. “Go on.”

“You know I can make your body levitate if you let me”, again he stopped when Charlie took another step. “Continue. You sing well.”

“I can make your body levitate, le-levitate-tate”, Danny said hesitantly, but the bandana rapper sighed. “Sing it. Such beautiful voice and lyrics. Sing them for me.”

“What game are you playing?”

“I just like it when you say those things to me. Listen, Danny. I’m sorry. I was horrible to you because I felt horrible about myself. After Randi dumped me, I felt like I was the problem. Then I saw you all the time and I was so jealous of your perfection and your perfect voice, looks, skills, personality. Just everything about you.”

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“Sing it. Such beautiful voice and lyrics. Sing them for me”, Danny mocked him with a small smile.

Charlie chuckled, then turned serious. “Does the thought of a date really nauseate you?”

“I just don’t want to be treated like a girl”, the lead singer explained.

The bandana rapper nodded, shifting his weight uneasily. “So you don’t object?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be hurt about the break up?” Danny asked cautiously.

Charlie shrugged. “Cover myself with bandages to fix these dick damn damages?”

“I like that thought”, the lead singer smiled.

The bandana rapper stepped closer again and wrapped him in a hug. “You’re not an American Idol reject or a stray dog.”

“Abused, stray dog.”

“Whatever. We’re lucky to have you. You sing like an angel. You radiate Hollywood Undead with your presence.”

Danny buried his face into his shoulder. “I kinda wanna kiss you now.”

“Don’t. Wait until Saturday.”

“Saturday?”

“Aren’t you free on Saturday?”

“I am, but why?”

“I’m taking you out to a movie. Don’t worry, you won’t have to barf. We’re gonna go see a horror”, Charlie hushed.

“Wait. Are you doing this out of pity?” Danny asked as they parted.

The bandana rapper shook his head. “Honestly? No, I think I might’ve developed a crush when you went all bitchy on me.”

“Didn’t know you were the abused, stray dog type.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	6. Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let Go songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let go, oh  
> Love isn't good enough  
> Let go, oh  
> Love isn't good enough  
> And the waves in the sea  
> They slip away just like me  
> So let go, oh  
> You weren't good enough

_**Let Go** _

 

The light seeped through the curtains into his eyes. What was it with sunlight that it always found its way into your eyes? He didn’t know and frankly, he had other things to worry about. He turned to his side, flinched as he did so. His shoulder was bruised. Again. Danny sighed. He felt his ribs strain when he inhaled deeply. Again. He got up and looked around in the room. No sign of him. Again.

He still didn’t know what to feel when he wasn’t around. Was he supposed to be happy? He wasn’t. He missed and loved his boyfriend with everything he had. That’s why he’d never leave him. He couldn’t. Yet, he was scared. The fear had been growing in the pit of his stomach for a long time now. Only yesterday did he realize something: _This man could kill me if he liked and I wouldn’t even resist._

He pushed the thought away and decided to measure the damage instead. His shoulder was a dark hue of blue. His ribs had a small bruise too. He stood up, felt his knees complain. Right, he fell last night. Danny limped to the bathroom and looked in the  mirror at the man staring back at him. The man had red eyes as if he’d been crying all night. His cheekbone was swollen. Danny touched his own cheekbone and felt a sting. That man in the mirror was himself. That realization always hit him hard.

He was that weak reflection. Those harsh somber features were his own. The lead singer grit his teeth and decided to take a shower to clear his mind instead. He let the water run to be sure it would be warm while he took off his boxers.

He stepped in the shower and moaned when the hot water hit the sore spots on his shoulders and back. Luckily the tour with Hollywood Undead was over for a while so his bruises would be healed by the time they could question them. Like his friends would ever get why he remained so weak and didn’t even do anything about his own clumsiness. _I fell off the stairs,_ Danny thought to himself darkly. Why? Because he’d do anything to protect his boyfriend.

He would die for him if he found it necessary.

He stepped out of the shower with damp hair and a towel around his waist. He really didn’t feel like testing his knees and putting on boxers or jeans. His shoulders weren’t happy either so a tight shirt, no thanks. He looked around in the room. Could he run around naked? No, that would be cold. Instead he found a baggy shirt of his boyfriend. He put it over his head and was hit with his natural scent. He sniffed it up with a smile and headed downstairs for breakfast. Where was his beloved anyway?

Danny made himself an omelet and seated at the dining table. It was lonely, sitting there by himself. He sighed and poked around in the omelet, eventually eating it. He could practically hear the other saying: _Why didn’t you eat? Are you trying to starve yourself? Why would you do that to me?_

The front door slammed closed. Danny moved his head up and left his half eaten plate for what it was. He was home. “Funny, is that you?”

Funny Man walked into the kitchen with a bag of groceries and glanced at him suspiciously. “Yeah, it’s me. Expecting someone else?”

“No, just making sure it wasn’t a burglar”, Danny murmured in a small voice.

The Mexican looked at his plate. “You didn’t make me breakfast? Just for you?”

“I’m not hungry. You can have it”, the lead singer apologized and got up, ready to get back upstairs, but Funny Man grabbed his arm and snatched him back. “What? I get your leftovers? That’s not how this works and you know that.”

Danny let out a whine. He could feel the skin on his arm bruise already. He looked his boyfriend in the eye. No, it couldn’t be. He refused to acknowledge it. Yesterday’s anger wasn’t over yet. After he threw him off the stairs, he was still angry with him? That was not what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to be apologetic, sweet and kind as he always was when he had hurt the older man.

Danny wanted to frown but he knew that would only anger him more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were home. I just. I thought you were~”

“Leave the thinking to me”, he growled and let go of the arm. “Where are you going?” he asked when Danny tried to get back upstairs. “Upstairs.”

“What’s upstairs?”

“Bed.”

Funny Man frowned and stared at him confused. He shook it off, then saw his clothes. “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

“Smells like you”, Danny lied. He couldn’t tell him he couldn’t get into clothes because the bruises hurt like hell. If he would, the other would think he was trying to play the blame game with him. Then all hell would break loose.

The Mexican offered him a small smile, then walked up to him. _Shit, I said something wrong. He’s gonna hit me,_ Danny thought. He knew this game well enough. When his boyfriend smiled, he might as well could’ve scowled because even with a smile, he sometimes hit him.

He didn’t smack him across the room. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders but Danny squeaked. “That hurts. Please, not my shoulders.”

Funny Man let go of his shoulders and wrapped his arms around his waist. He pulled him in a close hug. “I’m having a bad day.”

“The day’s only started”, the lead singer murmured.

“I know. You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, right?” the Mexican asked.

Danny nodded. He always nodded. Agree and he won’t have a reason to hurt you. He hid his head in his chest. “I know. I always know.”

“You know I love you more than anything, right?”

“I love you too”, the lead singer sighed.

The tears in his eyes formed. “We only have each other.”

“We can’t trust anyone else. Just you and me”, Funny Man promised and kissed his temples. Danny couldn’t hold it anymore and cried. He tried to keep the sounds from coming out but his body shook as he sobbed.

The other’s face suddenly turned harsh. “Don’t cry. Come on. Go upstairs and dry your tears.”

Danny nodded and wiped his tears off his cheeks. He made his way upstairs and got back in bed. He didn’t want to get out. He never wanted to get out. Why did he have to love, out of all people, someone like that? Why did they both have dark hearts? He had no right to complain. He was just as horrible as his boyfriend. He was a victim. He hated the word. It burned on his tongue. He couldn’t tell anyone what was going on in his life. They would lock Funny Man up for abuse. He didn’t want that. He loved him. And Funny Man loved him just as much, didn’t he?

The Mexican ran upstairs and found the lead singer on their bed. He walked up the bed and put a hand on his back. “Did I tell you to sleep?”

“No”, he squeaked.

“Well then”, Funny Man said. He grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him upright. Danny didn’t object. He stared at the floor. Maybe that would help him. Beautiful, beautiful black floor. As black as his heart. “Danny, you’re breaking my heart like this.”

“Dark hearts don’t break, they bruise”, the lead singer whispered and licked one of his tears out of the corner of his mouth. “You’re just watching me die here.”

“No. You’re not dying. I’ll decide when you are”, he grumbled and Danny closed his eyes for the next hit.

***

He was gone. Out of the house for now at least. Danny licked his lip, tasting blood. He couldn’t bring himself to get up. He’d never get up again. He didn’t even feel alive anymore. The only thing he felt, was a faint touch of anger. He was dying to hurt him. His love. His beloved had to suffer for what he did. Danny hadn’t cried. He had remained silent with every blow. He moved his head off the bed and notices his phone on the nightstand. As much as he was confident to love his boyfriend forever and never leave him, he also wanted this to end. The abuse had to end. If he couldn’t leave him, then someone had to make him leave.

He grabbed the phone and dialed the only number he could think of that wouldn’t be embarrassing to catch him like this. The only one who would know what he had to do.

“Your captain speaking.”

“Please help me.”

“Danny?”

“I’m in trouble deep”, Danny cried, the tears coming back to him. “Please help me, Charlie.”

“Where are you?”

“At home, but you can’t come. You can’t see me like this.”

“Like what?”

“Funny Man’s out for the afternoon. He left me here alone. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared.”

“Why don’t you call Funny to come home?”

“Because I’m scared of him!”

“I’ll be there in a second”, Charlie replied and hung up.

No, he couldn’t come by. He couldn’t see Danny like this. Besides, the lead singer couldn’t get up. His whole body felt banged up. The bandana rapper rang the bell but when no reply came, he found the spare key and unlocked the door. He closed it behind him and called out. “Danny?”

“Upstairs”, the lead singer said, but he knew the other couldn’t hear his soft voice. After a few minutes of searching, Charlie made his way upstairs and found the lead singer on the bed. “What…”

Danny forced himself upright and the other helped him. “Danny, what happened?”

The other shook his head. “He’ll hate me for this. If he finds out I called you, he’s gonna kill me for real.”

Charlie’s eyes traveled over his bruises. His arms, his shoulders, his legs, his face. He squinted his eyes. “Wait. Funny Man did this? He hit you?”

Danny nodded.

“Was this the first time?”

He shook his head. “Yesterday he threw me off the stairs.”

The fire in Charlie’s eyes made him regret his words. “But he loves me.”

“If he loved you, he wouldn’t do this to you. I’m calling the police.”

“No! Charlie, please”, Danny begged. “I love him.”

Charlie crouched down to level with Danny. “Listen. He hurt you. He’s gonna kill you one day. You have to call the police on him, Danny. I promise I’ll be there with you, but you have to stop this. You have to let go.”

“No. He already killed me inside. He won’t kill me. He needs me. He’ll only hurt me but I can handle that”, Danny said with a confident look.

Charlie let out a sigh. “He’s been abusing you since the beginning, am I right?”

“Since four months ago”, Danny murmured.

The bandana rapper did call the police and the lead singer didn’t stop him this time. Maybe it was true. Maybe he’d been abused for too long to remember what was good for him.

***

About a month later, the trial was over and Funny Man was sentenced to prison for domestic violence. Danny was still shaky and instead of fear, his heart was filled with nothingness. He couldn’t feel anything. He was numb. After the phone call and the arrest, Charlie had called the others to let them know what had happened. Johnny suggested Danny should speak to a psychiatrist about the abuse, but the lead singer refused.

“I regret calling you”, he said to Charlie and locked himself up in the bunks part because they were touring again.

Charlie didn’t know what to do about it so he looked at Johnny for help. “What was I supposed to do to help him?”

“He’ll soon realize you’re the hero in this story”, Johnny promised. Da Kurlzz was still shocked over the fact that their baritone voiced rapper was capable of such violence and J-Dog didn’t dare to speak in the matter. He thought he’d only push Danny further away.

***

A few months later Danny had forgiven Charlie for calling the police. He was still hurt about losing the love of his life, but he slowly began realizing abuse wasn’t a way to show love. He had a few nasty scars to remind him of that fact. His wounds had healed completely but on the inside, he was still a bleeding mess. Only one thought held him upright. _He can’t hurt me anymore._ That’s how he could let go. Because his love was never good enough. He deserved better. He didn’t deserve to live a sin, standing by his side. They should write a song about that.

“Charlie, you really are the hero in my story”, Danny once said with a sigh.

Johnny had smiled to his bandana rapper friend in a way of saying “I told you so”. He offered Danny to talk to a psychiatrist again but the lead singer refused. “No.”

“Then will you at least talk to us about it?” J-Dog asked.

“I will”, Danny had replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	7. We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We Are songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> We are, we are  
> We are made from broken parts  
> We are, we are  
> We are broken from the start  
> And our hearts, our hearts  
> They were beating in the dark  
> 'Cause we are, we are  
> We are built from broken parts

_**We Are** _

 

It was getting dark outside. The sun disappeared in the horizon, turning the sky bright pink with a spark of orange in it. All of it was very melancholic. It would be a pity to ruin it with splatters of red. Looking down I saw people crawl, scattering away like they had somewhere important to go. Stupid humans. Seen from here, you’re nothing but walking zombies. I curled my toes over the edge of the roof. Should I spit down and see how the wind blew? No, because my body would be too heavy to be carried away by the air. I guessed it was a fall of fifteen feet. With a heavy sigh, I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. Things were going to be fine, my mind told me.

A soft spring breeze caressed my cheek. Those who laugh the most, are mostly the unhappiest. Was it true? Was I really that unhappy? Maybe I was. I definitely was.

Would the landing kill me, I wondered. Yes, but I’d have to dive so my head would hit the ground for an instant kill. Falling fifteen feet onto your head would definitely hurt like a bitch, but I guessed it couldn’t hurt as much as my heart did right now.

The feather light breeze caressed my hair as I let a sigh escape. Time to jump.

“Charlie”, came a weak voice behind me. The voice was shaky and raspy like he’d been screaming and crying. Did he throw a tantrum before he came here? I wondered.

I turned my back to the outer world to face the owner of the weak voice. He stood before me, his fist clenched and held against his chest as if he wanted to reach out but couldn’t.

As if he thought I’d jump as soon as he stuck out his arm to pull me back. I shrugged the thought off and gazed at him with dark eyes. “Danny.”

The lead singer lifted his foot to step closer but didn’t come near me when he realized I could just let myself fall back. “Are you going to jump?”

Stupid question. Why would such a smart human ask such a stupid question?

“Yes”, I replied, my face still wet because of the tears I cried when I left. I had to get out. This thing inside of me was getting too much. Inside my body lay a monster slumbering but when I dared to feel a pinch of hope, he awoke and tore it up.

“Why?”

“Would the reason make you feel any better?” I asked.

Danny shook his head so furiously, he stumbled back a step. He looked at me with watery eyes. “Don’t do it. If I know the reason, I might be able to stop you.”

“I want to die. That’s my reason”, I harshly stated. It was low to punch my sweet friend like this but I had to tear his sympathy away from me or he’d feel guilty for my demise. It had to happen. Today.

“Why do you want to die?”

“Should there be a reason to everything? Why do you want to live?” I cryptically replied, mostly because I was taking the cowardly way out on him. You may always say it’s the cowardly way out, but you’re absolutely wrong. It takes courage to kill yourself and go through with it. If you succeed, that’s courageous but also cowardly because you gave up on life. Suicide is the biggest paradox known to humanity. It’s courageous and cowardly at the same time.

Danny lowered his eyes. “Because I’ve got love to give and receive.”

“Love? Theresa left you last year, just like Randi did. How can you still trust love?”

“If a friend lies to you, will you expect all of your friends to lie? No. If you still have friends after a friend’s betrayal, you should still feel love after you’ve had your heart broken”, Danny explained. He dared to inch one step closer and awaited my reaction but I remained passive. “How can you love with no one to share it with?”

The lead singer inched another step closer and I still didn’t react. “He might not share my love, but I do try to love him as much as I can in my position.”

“He?” I questioned, cocking my head to the side.

The corner of his mouth pulled upwards in a wry grin. “When my love is unanswered, I don’t give up on him. I’ve tried to offer him solace in any way possible but his heart is clouded by darkness so he stands alone.”

“Poetic”, I said. “He is me, isn’t he?”

Danny gazed at the sunset. “Love is what keeps me alive. Otherwise I’d probably give up too. Why can’t you let love rule?”

I lowered my eyes. “I have loved and I have lost. I don’t want to experience something like that again. You can’t stop me. I have to place these thoughts somewhere and it belongs into the concrete below.”

The lead singer took another step closer, standing directly in front of the ledge I was standing on. He stared into my eyes. “You’ve got so much to live for. You’ve got all of us and when everything seems against you, I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

I closed my eyes for a second and let those words sink in. “I’m through with this life. It’s nothing but disappointment.”

When I opened my eyes, Danny was standing next to me on the ledge. I turned my back to the roof and my front to the outer world, just like him. He inhaled deeply with closed eyes, looking more beautifully than the sunset in front of us. “Will you still jump if you think about all those who will miss you?”

“I’ve got my letter ready for all of you. When the deed is done, will you find it for me and make sure the others get it?”

A single tear left his eye. “So I can’t hold you back?”

I shook my head. “This isn’t an impulsive decision. I decided to do this a long time ago.”

“Then I’ll jump for you.”

The words floated into the air and into my head but before I could process what he told me, he had stepped out into nothingness and fell down. All I could do, was form his name with my mouth and reach down, but he was too far for me to reach. He hit the ground and panic hit me.

Danny killed himself for me.

I called an ambulance, the police, the guys. Anything that could help me save Danny if we weren’t too late already. Calling the guys went with a shaky voice and I couldn’t say the words. I wanted to tell them what had happened but all I could say was: “Danny. Suicide.”

That was it. The guys panicked when they heard me speak the words and jumped into action, but I told them I had already called the police and an ambulance. Upon their arrival they checked his pulse. It only took them a few seconds but it took them endlessly to my likings. I watched as that one man in uniform crawled down and lay his finger into Danny’s neck. He waited a few seconds. Come on, Danny. Please, Danny.

He nodded at his colleague and they put him onto a stretcher. I should’ve lied about being family when I arrived to the scenery but I didn’t. I watched them leave and stood there helplessly. Still there was only one thought in my head.

Danny jumped for me. He wanted to give his life for me.

With slumped shoulders I slowly made my way over the sidewalk to the hospital. It took me longer than it should’ve but I was drained and my heart felt like it had shattered in a million pieces while my stomach was trying to do a barrel roll. J-Dog noticed me first and pointed at me. Johnny stormed at me and held me by my shoulders. “What the hell happened? Where were you? You were with Danny?”

I couldn’t.

I broke down, latching myself onto him and digging my face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I just. I was… It’s all my fault.”

The blue masked rapper was surprised by my reaction and pulled me closer. “It’s ok. It’s not your fault.”

“It is”, I shouted and pulled myself away from him. Da Kurlzz and Funny Man stared up at me. “What happened?”

I wiped my tears on my sleeve. “I was on the roof, going to jump and Danny found me. He tried to talk me out of it but when he couldn’t, he said he wanted to jump instead of me and before I knew it, he had jumped.”

A thick silence fell upon them when Funny Man spoke. “You wanted to jump?”

“Why would you want to jump?” Johnny asked, surprised.

Da Kurlzz put away his phone for the first time since that morning. “Because he’s depressed, guys. Charlie, why didn’t you just talk to me?”

“Because I couldn’t handle it anymore and now I got Danny killed!” I shouted angrily. The drummer shook his head. “He’s not dead. He’s unconscious. He broke his shoulder, ribs, an arm and a leg. There’s something seriously wrong with his vertebra too because the doctor thinks he might not be able to walk anymore. He’s gonna be in so much pain and the doctor doesn’t even know for sure he’ll be fine in his head.”

“What have I done”, I murmured to myself and slumped down on a chair. “I’m so stupid.”

“Danny jumped for you. That’s probably the most caring he could’ve become. You must be his world”, J-Dog realized.

I leaned my head in my hands. “He told me he’d always love me before he jumped.”

They ignored that and somehow I was grateful.

“How could you die when it’s only fifteen feet?”

“Dive with head down”, I proposed. “Luckily Danny didn’t realize he’d survive.”

“Danny’s in surgery right now. Something’s seriously wrong in his abdomen”, Funny Man filled me in. My fault. All of it was my fault. He’d die because of me. How could I have survived this when he didn’t?

“Big chance he’ll slip into a coma”, Johnny thought aloud.

I was furiously hoping he wouldn’t slip into a coma. The doctor told us to go home and come back in the morning but I refused. I stood up against him, trying to force me to leave Danny here but my four best friends pulled me outside and back to my house. My big empty house I lived in with my dying friend. Yes, we lived together since both our wives left us. We were just so lonely in a big house. All night I couldn’t sleep because when I closed my eyes, I saw him jump again with that nostalgic look in his face. He hadn’t looked scared. He told me Love was keeping him alive. He loved me. Did I push him over the edge with my indifference towards his love? How could I be stupid enough to indirectly reject him like that? Danny’s always been there for me and I should be there for him. I should give us a try, if he survived.

I was the first to arrive in the morning. Somehow when I entered and asked for the room number of Daniel Murillo, I expected the pretty brunette to tell me he had died overnight with a sad face look on her face.

She checked her computer and frowned. “Daniel Murillo, you said?”

Here it came. He died.

“Room 211”, she said. Now I expected her to tell me he had slipped into a coma after surgery. Do they tell you such things? Or do they assume you know about it? I didn’t know so I took the elevator to the second floor and found room eleven. Upon entering my fear was confirmed. Danny was in a coma. He lied in a bed, not moving like he was a statue or glued to the bed. His eyes were closed, lips slightly parted. His torso was in a cast to his one arm and one of his legs was held up in a cast. He looked like every cartoon stereotype of someone in a hospital.

I sat down on the chair next to him. “I’m so so sorry.”

Lowering my head while I spoke those words. I leaned my elbows on the bed and gazed down. “This is my fault.”

“I chose to jump”, he replied. I looked up and found him smiling tiredly at me. “Didn’t mean to disturb your self-pity rant.”

“Didn’t mean to wake you”, I whispered. “I thought you were in a coma.”

“Please, I thought I was dead”, Danny replied. He moved his unharmed arm to tilt my chin. “Still as beautiful as I remember but it would be better if you smiled, Charlie. When I realized I wasn’t dead, I was so scared.”

“Why?” I asked with a raspy throat.

“Because I thought you had jumped too and died. I don’t want to wake up in a world without you”, he spilled, his head sunk into the thick pillow and he winced. He was in so much pain right now. I just couldn’t help but ask him.

“What’s the damage?”

“I broke my shoulder, three ribs, three places in my arm. I had a bleeding stomach which is why I needed surgery. I dislocated my kneecap and broke my shin in two spots and the same leg’s got my ankle broken too. My arm protected my head from getting hit. I’m still waiting to hear the results of my back scan”, Danny summed up, trying to count on his fingers but he couldn’t quite move his fingers on his bad arm in the cast. “But don’t worry about me. Let me be the one to do that.”

I entwined my fingers with his unharmed hand. “Why did you jump for me?”

“Because either you were going to jump or I was. If you jumped, I’d see you die. If I jumped, I wouldn’t have to see it and I’d spent an eternity with you. What else can I ask for?” Danny explained with a sad look in his eyes. “Love hurts. I know that more than anyone and this is proof. I’d die for you, Charlie.”

“Stop it”, I said before I could hold back. “That’s just sick and twisted. How can you say things like that?”

“Because we are made from broken parts”, Danny replied. The irony of his broken bones didn’t help either. He smiled sadly. “I’m not made for the city of angels anyway. I was never meant to be a super star. I’ll always be the shy lead singer of Hollywood Undead.”

I rested my head on his arm. “You’re truly amazing. I was so scared you were dead. I haven’t slept all night.”

“I didn’t want to either but they drugged me”, he winked. He tried to get up a bit to get closer to me but I wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t wise to move with broken limbs like that. I got up and leaned over him for a soft hug. He still flinched when my arm rested on his hurt shoulder but he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry I scared you but I was convinced you’d jump right after me. You seemed so sure of your case.”

“I was, but when you jumped, I just. I don’t know. I felt the need to live for you as if you’d be even more dead if I died along with you. I just couldn’t do that to our friends.”

Danny smiled slightly. “So you won’t try to kill yourself again?”

“I won’t, because you’re right”, I murmured.

The lead singer cocked his head to look at me questioningly but his neck was sore. “About what?”

“Love keeps you alive”, I said.

He inhaled deeply. “There is no one to save us in this rotten world so love is the only thing that keeps us alive. Hatred too, but that’s negative. Does this mean you’ve found love?”

His voice was sad, almost like he expected me to tell him I got back together with Randi. It would break his heart to see me with someone else. He must’ve thought I met someone. I shook my head. “I’ve realized our hearts have been beating in the dark together all along.”

“You missed me”, he stated.

I nodded. “Where have you been all my life?”

“On the sideline”, Danny replied but before he could say anything else, I pressed my lips against his sweetly, making sure I wasn’t hurting him. He accepted eagerly and with watery eyes. I could only imagine how long he had wanted to kiss me but couldn’t. How did I not realize I had someone madly in love with me before? When we broke apart, I asked him. “How long have you loved me?”

“Since the day you introduced yourself”, Danny replied and a tear slid down his face. This had been all he ever wanted besides music. Music and Charlie could make his world shine like no other. This rotten world God had given them could never be saved. At least they found each other. Soulmates for life. That same life is like a Christmas tree. Once in a while someone brings light to its dull coloring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	8. I'll Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll Be There songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> Can you see me, my love?  
> Up there above?  
> When you were dying,  
> I was dying too.  
> Look for meaning in song,  
> but the meaning was gone   
> cause I was crying  
> right along with you.  
> If the heavens may break,  
> I hope for our sake   
> that if they ever do,  
> I'll Be There with you!

_**I'll Be There** _

 

“Can you see me, my love? Up there above?” Charlie questioned in an accent like he was Shakespeare himself. He bent over in an exaggerated matter as he stood on top of the cliff in shorts.

“Charlie! Get down here!” Johnny shouted, his voice cracking in the middle because he couldn’t hide his panic as his friend stood on the small mountain. “Don’t you fucking dare jump, Jordon!”

“Momma George”, Da Kurlzz murmured as he didn’t even look up from his phone. He was seated comfortably on a towel, legs propped up with his phone resting on them. If he kept lying like that, his phone would tan into his legs or chest. He tipped his sunglasses over to look at Charlie. “Do a backflip!”

Funny Man jumped upright, a whole cloud of sand whooshing out of his swim shorts because he had been digging a well for an hour now. He grabbed a football and looked at J-Dog. “You’ll play with me, right?”

“Jesus, Funny, you sound like a dog.”

“Play!” the Mexican laughed and ran around in a circle after his imaginary tail. The two ran off and the four of them were left alone. What was going on with Danny, you ask? Danny had fallen asleep a few minutes ago. Before Charlie crawled up on the cliff, he had written ‘I suck for a buck’ in sunscreen on his back. The drummer made an annoyed sound and pushed the lead singer with his foot who startled awake. “Aah?!”

“Get the sunscreen off your back. Charlie wrote something dirty.”

Danny moaned. “Dude!”

All they could hear was Charlie’s laughter as he jumped and plummeted into the water below. It splashed all over Funny Man and J-Dog who were playing football with the two of them. He crawled out of the sea and shook his head to dry his hair.

“Another dog”, J-Dog murmured.

Johnny grinned, ran at Charlie. When the bandana rapper saw him coming, he ran away because he knew exactly what he was going to do. He tried to be faster than him but Johnny tackled him into the sand and rolled him over a few times. “Yeah, good boy. Become a good _sand_ wich.”

“You’ve been waiting to make that pun ever since we got here, haven’t you?” Charlie growled. He flicked Johnny’s nose but his friend held him down firmly in the sand. “You know me, my love”, he mocked.

The main rapper rolled his eyes but he saw his friend was looking at him with his serious face. “I missed this.”

“What?”

“This. Us. You.”

Charlie pulled off a half smile and struggled in the grip. “I’m here now.”

“Will you always be here from now on?” Johnny asked, a spark of hope in his eyes. He glanced back but Danny had fallen asleep again, Da Kurlzz was tweeting while the other two were still playing football in the sand, even though both were soaking wet. He turned back to Charlie and noticed how close their faces were by now. “I-I’m sorry.”

He let go and sat upright. Charlie struggled to sit upright as well and gazed at him curiously. “I missed you too, you know?”

The blue masked rapper smiled and pulled him on his feet. They bumped into each other because of the force and for a moment they thought it would happen there and then, but it didn’t. The two let go. Charlie exhaled. “I don’t know if I’ll always be here now but I promise that if you need me, I’ll be there.”

Johnny didn’t feel like closing in on the subject so they headed back to their friends. By now Danny awoke again. He was lying on his front on a towel, his legs swaying in the air and his hands supporting his head. He wore a devious smile. “Hi, lovebirds.”

Charlie knew better than to take it personally. Danny always called anyone who had an inside conversation ‘lovebirds’. He found the smile he wore weird though. “Oh God, no. Danny. Don’t tell me you...?”

The blue masked rapper looked from one to the other. “What happened?”

Danny let out a mean chuckle and rolled on his back, his arms spread out next to him.

“Where’s Da Kurlzz?” Johnny asked to which Danny laughed harshly once again.

“Help!” they heard the shout. It was Da Kurlzz.

A few feet from them was the hole Funny Man dug earlier, completely filled up with only Da Kurlzz’ head sticking out. “Help! I can’t move!”

Charlie flicked Danny against his head. “Bad Danny!”

“Woof”, the lead singer mocked. “Nice work, don’t you think? He was taking pictures of my dirty tan line thanks to you.”

Johnny was amazed. “How’d you get him into that well so fast without him struggling?”

“Oh he struggled”, Danny murmured. “But I had help.”

When he saw the two questioning gazes he nodded towards Funny Man who waved at him enthusiastically. “I can be evil.”

“Why would Funny Man help you?” Johnny asked aloud.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Because our youngest member would do anything for Danny, of course.”

“In the bat of an eyelash!” Danny chimed, followed by a laughing fit. When Johnny smacked him in the head he whined and shut up. “Why would you do that?”

“You can’t use his feelings for you to make him do stuff!” the blue masked rapper complained.

Danny dropped his jaw. “Feelings?!”

Charlie tapped his friend’s shoulder and leaned in to whisper: “Danny doesn’t, I mean didn’t, know Funny has feeling for him.”

The tallest member looked down at the lead singer with an apologetic look in his eyes. “Sorry. Surprise!”

Immediately Danny got up and ran towards the Mexican. He practically jumped on his back which made him stumble and fall over into the sand. Charlie laughed and looked at Johnny. “It’s crazy, don’t you think?”

“What’s crazy?”

“We’ve all been friends for so long. It would be weird to date any of them, right?”

Johnny made an incoherent sound. “I guess.”

“Who would you date in the band if you were gay and in love? Who’s your type the most?” Charlie asked.

His friend was startled by the question but he managed to hide his surprise. He played it off as a joke. “I only want my baby, Charlie. I only want you, my love.”

The bandana rapper flashed him a slight smile. Since when were they standing so close to each other? Johnny swallowed thickly. “The sun is setting.”

“Afraid of the dark?”

“No, but it’ll get cold so I’ll put on a shirt then.”

“Good idea, but it’s hot right now”, Charlie replied. He looked down at his own figure. “I don’t think I’d be warmer in a sand shirt.”

“Our little Charlie Sandwich”, the blue masked rapper cooed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. In the orange light of the sunset his friend looked a lot more romantic. He put his other arm around him too and pressed him against himself. “I meant what I said.”

“That you missed me? I had no idea”, he sarcastically replied but Johnny smiled. “Will you always have my back like you did earlier?”

“Always. I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always lift you up when your legs give out”, Charlie reassured him. The sun had disappeared and left them in the dark. It was way darker than they had anticipated, leaving a blind spot for a minute or two while their eyes adjusted. It was strange but necessary. In that minute Johnny saw his chance. He bent down and clumsily kissed Charlie on the lips. A painful shot in his chest told him they’d never be more than friends because he had already tried to kiss him so many times without anything coming off of it. When the peck was over, he suddenly hated the darkness because he couldn’t see his friend’s reaction while they were in this dark spot of the beach. “Charlie?”

The bandana rapper replied by pressing his face into the other’s shoulder. “Are you drunk?”

“No.”

“Was that for real?”

“Yes.”

“Finally”, Charlie grinned. Their eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could see the smile on his friend’s face. “I was wondering when you’d take your shot at me when you were sober.”

Johnny grinned and kissed him again. This time their friends saw. Da Kurlzz had somehow gotten out of the hole. J-Dog clapped. “Finally!”

Da Kurlzz followed in his applause but Danny and Funny Man were nowhere to be seen. “Where did Danny take Funny anyway? Johnny accidentally ran his mouth about Funny’s feelings towards him.”

“Oh so that’s why Danny tackled him!” J-Dog shouted out. He pointed somewhere behind the cliff. “He wanted to talk to Funny for a second but I haven’t seen them since. I bet they’re getting some on the beach, am I right?”

“Sounds like a plan”, Johnny had said before he realized, earning a disturbed look from Charlie which faded into a smile. “I’ll follow any plan you have, my love.”

A spark of hurt flashed in Johnny’s chest. Before they visited the beach, Johnny was in trouble. He had needed Charlie who hadn’t been available to ease his pain for a long time by then but suddenly he had appeared and helped him anyway. What had happened? That’s a secret between the two of them. And just the two of them as they met someplace in the dark and would never part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	9. War Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War Child songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> I like to get my fucking fade on  
> I'm feeling sexy, I'm like "ooh"  
> Then haters try to get they hate on  
> But I'm too sexy, I'm like "ooh"  
> I'm like, I'm like, I'm like  
> Like a war child

_**War Child** _

 

Charlie sipped his patrón and watched over the scenery. The dim lights in the room occasionally flashed a bright red, mixed in with a little green. A DJ had placed himself on a higher level with a huge set. He was head banging along with the sick tracks he was playing, a headphone pressed to his head and for some strange reason, he wore a sunglasses. A lot the people at the party wore masks, just for the hell of it. People were drunk, girls wore cheetah imprinted dresses until right underneath there butt. Guys were gawping at twerking girls in tight jeans and crop tops.

There was a stage and two stripper poles. Two ladies in skimpy bikinis dancing around it, bending their knees to reveal something else. The bandana rapper sat comfortably in his armchair in the VIP section. Two girls sided him. They had their arms up in the air, moving their body willingly along with the music from their sitting position. Their hair whipped along with their movements.

Charlie looked over at Funny Man who was very amused with a girl sitting in his lap and grinding directly into him. She was definitely going home with him tonight. At least one of them got to bone someone. Not that the bandana rapper didn’t have plenty of choice. Hell, he had two girls siding him. He watched the people dancing from his section. He could cross the spot at any time but they couldn’t cross over to their spot. It was their private space, still in the room yet not reachable for outsiders.

In the crowd he spotted a certain someone he thought he knew. “What did the guys say when you invited them?!” Charlie screamed over the music at his Mexican friend.

The baritone voiced rapper cocked his head. “What?”

“You did invite the others, right?”

“Oh. I called Johnny and Jay but Jay’s got wedding plans with Vanessa and Johnny had a family game night with their parents.”

“What about Kurlzz and Danny?” The main rapper asked, eyes glued to the view in front of him. Such a gorgeous body and delicate movements. He just had to make a move.

“Kurlzz is coming around one a.m. and I didn’t get Danny’s reply. I don’t know where he is.”

Charlie licked his lips. “I do.”

“What?”

The rapper nodded into a certain direction and now Funny Man spotted the person of his interest. Their sweet lead singer didn’t look particularly different that night but somehow it just felt different. His hair was all ruffled and sweat covered his deeply concentrated, yet blissful face as he moved to the beat. He wore a usual grey sleeveless shirt with a sleeveless jeans vest over it. He just always had to show off his biceps. And those slender legs with his skinny jeans.

“Charlie!”

“What?”

“Stop staring at him like that, God! Everyone knows you wanna get into his jeans”, Funny Man chuckled, quickly losing his concentration when the girl moved over his pelvis. He grinned at him. “Go get him. You know you want to.”

Charlie shook his head and glanced back at Danny who moved his arms up when he danced, his shirt riding up slightly. The rapper let out a deep sigh and tried to get up when the lead singer’s eyes connected with his. He lifted the corners of his mouth momentarily before he made his way elegantly over to the pair. He looked down at the line parting VIP from the other part. He folded his arms and shifted his weight to one leg. Funny Man nodded. “Enter, little Danny.”

“Little Danny? I guess you haven’t talked to your mom yet.”

“Burn”, the girl in his lap chuckled, but she quickly went back to being pretty as that was the only thing the Mexican expected her to do.

Charlie tried to find his words but they were lost for now. How was he supposed to make a move on this Puerto Rican, not actually but his dad lives there, descended God. He could just see his tight abs underneath his shirt begging for him to touch them.

“I’m insulted. No VIP spot for me?” Danny questioned, raising an eyebrow daringly. It was almost like he knew what Charlie wanted. Why else would he suddenly become so cocky? The bandana rapper patted his lap. “You get _the_ VIP spot.”

It was just a joke but when Danny actually took place on his leg, he widened his eyes. “You for real?”

Danny shrugged. “Hold your ovaries. I’m drunk. I’m high. I just wanna have a good time so I honestly don’t give a shit about what you or others think right now, got it?”

“Danny’s high?” Funny Man asked, laughing.

Charlie smiled deviously. “I knew our innocent one wouldn’t dance so heatedly when he isn’t high.”

The lead singer scoffed. “Heatedly? Please. Everyone can move their hips. If you’re good in bed, then you’re good at dancing.”

“Does it work the other way around too?” Charlie asked before he could hold back.

Danny chuckled and put an arm around Charlie. “Why? Big plans with me tonight?”

Funny Man mouthed a ‘get some’ to Charlie who seemed to become flustered. He drained his patron and looked at the cup. “Won’t you get us a drink, Danny?”

The singer took the cup and nodded. “You’re lucky I’m thirsty.”

When he walked away, Funny Man let out a ‘wow’. “That kid is thirsty for you, Charlie. I bet he wants to get some as well.”

The main rapper hushed him. “Don’t rush it, Funny. Danny’s just being playful. You know how he gets when he’s drunk.”

“Then get him shitfaced”, the Mexican laughed.

Danny returned with two shots of tequila in one hand and two simple beers in the other. “Let’s do a shot together.”

Charlie wanted to take the shot out of his hand but Danny straddled his lap before he handed him the small cup. The main rapper was really surprised but then he remembered his previous words and his surprise melted away. He’s having a good time, don’t get your hopes up. At the count of three they swallowed the shots, eyes shut tightly and throat churning as the liquid ran through them like fire. Danny held on for support when it came back twice as hard as a buzz in his hand, placing his head on Charlie’s inner thigh by accident. “Oh God, that one was hard.”

Funny Man had to hold back his laughter when he heard the words combined with Charlie’s face when he looked down at the hand. Again, he mouthed ‘get some’ but Charlie hushed him.

“Danny, everyone can see us like this, you know. There’s gonna be some awful gossip on the internet”, Charlie warned the singer who rolled his eyes.

“Haters get their hate on.”

“Seriously. Dudes are looking at me like you’re drunk.”

“I am. Or I’m just feeling sexy. I don’t know the difference.”

The main rapper pulled his head down so they were face to face. “They’re looking at me like what the fuck.”

“Let them. We’re just partying like…like…”

“Like a war child!” Funny Man shouted and made Danny burst into a giggle fit. The singer held onto Charlie’s shoulder and bent down to kiss his lips. “One night. Let’s get wild and do shit we’d never do. No consequences.”

The Mexican was staring at Charlie wide eyed like he was the luckiest guy alive. The one he’d been eyeing for two years now, was practically offering himself to him. Danny arched his back slightly, his brown eyes dark with excitement.

Charlie licked his lips. “Yeah, let’s get wild for one night.”

The lead singer clapped his hands together and looked at the stripper in Funny’s lap. “Hey! What’s your name?”

“Me? Jenna.”

“Can you teach me that?”

“What?”

“That!” Danny said, pointing at what she was doing to Funny Man in his lap. She smiled at him like he was the most amusing thing in the world. “Sure. You wanna do it to Charlie?”

“Yeah”, Danny smirked and he looked his friend in the eye. “Let’s party like a war child.”

Jenna showed him how to get in his lap like that without completely crushing his manhood, gave a few tips on how he’d best get it going without making it completely awkward. The singer thanked her. He had this weird flame in his eyes like he wasn’t going to stop tonight. The lead singer placed himself in his lap on one his legs and put an arm around his shoulders. “Hey handsome.”

“What? Not gonna lap dance me?”

Danny chuckled and got up, walking around the armchair. The two girls on his side were long gone and he hadn’t even seen them leave. Danny parted Charlie’s legs and brought his arms up to his head. He lowered himself into his lap and ground his butt back into him on his way up. “Ever had a guy do this to you?”

“No.”

“Ever secretly wanted to have one do this?”

“Kinda”, Charlie grinned. “But not exactly this.”

“Then what’s your fantasy, Charlie?”

“You’re my fantasy”, the main rapper let out a sigh when his friend rolled his hips in his lap. Everyone could just see them. If it had been a girl, he didn’t care if they saw but now it was one of his best friends. A guy grinding in his lap like some whore. He loved every second of it.

Danny chuckled. “I’m your fantasy? Am I now? What do you think about when you picture me?”

Charlie exhaled shakily and tried to caress the lead singer but he frowned. “No touching.”

“I think about how good your ass looks in skinny jeans and I think about how badly I wanna help you out of them.”

The lead singer yelped and chuckled, his face showing the cutest expression. “I think little Charlie just got excited.”

“He already was when he saw you dancing.”

Danny got up, ran his hand through his sweaty hair and placed himself into Charlie’s lap again. “I’m tired of moving my booty for you. Let’s go home.”

“What? Already? It’s only midnight”, the bandana rapper complained. “Kurlzz is coming over at one and I’m not even tired yet! What happened to our wild night like a war child?”

The lead singer grasped a handful of his shirt and pulled him closer. “You don’t get it. Let’s go home and let’s not sleep.”

Charlie bit his lip. “You mean you want to…?”

“Yes! But first. Don’t you wanna hear about my fantasy?”

The rapper nodded eagerly. He glanced over at Funny Man but his seat was empty. When did he leave? He hadn’t even said anything! Had he? He vaguely remembered the figure next to him patting his shoulder but that was it. “What’s your fantasy, baby?”

Danny straddled his lap again and leaned down to his ear, carefully balancing himself with his hands on the other’s thighs. “I wanna be a whore for one day, fulfill every need.”

He knew it was the booze talking but he just couldn’t help himself when his hopes sky rocketed. “Then let’s go do that.”

“No, you don’t get it, Charlie”, Danny chuckled. “In public.”

Oh crap. He never expected that one to come. Their innocent lead singer was a twisted exhibitionist with a secret whore roleplaying fetish. He wanted him even more now.

“You…you…”

“Relax. I’m not doing that with you here”, Danny teased before he pecked Charlie on the lips. “It’s a fantasy. Maybe one day I’ll just take you to the park.”

Somehow the bandana rapper was disappointed but when Danny slid off his lap on the floor, he knew what time it was. He looked around. No one was really paying attention to them. “Danny, what are you?”

“Oh come on. I’m not telling you about my fantasy to have you chickening out on me. Let me at least please you a little bit.”

Charlie relaxed in his seat. “Fine.”

It didn’t matter anyway. The armchair was way too high for anyone to see what they were doing. The only way they could see was if they realized what Danny was doing on the floor or if they were standing directly in front of him. The singer petted his shorts over the zipper and pulled it down slowly. He popped the button and slid his thumb over his boxers. “Still hard?”

“Half. You took your time getting here”, Charlie grinned. The sight of Danny on his knees in front of him stirred his dick back to life. “Take your time, my little whore.”

“I’m your personal bitch today”, Danny promised. “And it’s over midnight which means the day’s only just started.

Charlie bit his lip. “Hurry. Matt will arrive in half an hour.”

“I can do this in a few minutes”, Danny daringly said before he freed his dick out of his boxers. He stroked it up and down to full hardness again and pulled back the skin to reveal his dark tip. The singer wanted to make a comment about how he was bigger than expected but decided to keep it to himself. No need to make him cocky. Pun intended.

Danny dipped his head low and licked the slit, making some precum leak down the shaft. He dipped his finger in the fluid and rubbed it all around the head. Charlie curled the tips of his toes. He always felt like he was on fire if someone teased the tip. Especially if that someone was Danny.

The singer took him in his mouth and swallowed the whole length. His gag reflex kicked in but he managed to relax his throat and breath through his nose. He bobbed his head up and down, hand tightly gripping the base. Charlie felt the tip of his fingers tingle. Everyone could see Danny sucking him off. Everyone who glanced at them, could see Danny was giving him the best blowjob of his entire life.

Danny swirled his tongue around the length and dragged it upwards to the tip. He swallowed his gathering saliva and teasingly licked the tip like it was a lollipop. “How are you doing up there?”

Charlie replied by entangling his fingers in Danny’s hair when he went down again, taking him in his mouth completely. He was lost for words. Danny squeezed his balls and stroked him up and down with a few hard squeezes. The bandana rapper adjusted his leg when he felt his climax build rapidly. “Damn you! You’ve done this before.”

“Of course I have”, Danny chuckled. “I like to be a whore sometimes. I get horny when I’m drunk or high.”

Charlie loved the sight of Danny on all fours, looking up at him with his dick in his hand. It was like the porn video he’d watch over and over again until his computer broke down of too much viruses or until his dick melted, whichever happened first. He was brought back to reality when Danny licked the underside of his dick all the way to his slit, now heavily leaking down to his hand. “Cum in my mouth or rather not?”

The bandana rapper shrugged. “Whatever you like, just hurry.”

“Why? Needy much?”

“God yes”, Charlie groaned, feeling his manhood swell as his orgasm almost crashed into him but couldn’t reach quite yet.

Danny took his time swirling his fingers in his precum all over the shaft before he devilishly grinned and took him in his mouth again. He hollowed his cheeks and moved his head down which was just enough for Charlie to hit his high. He was convinced he probably ripped out a hair or two of Danny’s head when he came inside his mouth. Danny swallowed it all and licked his lips when he looked up. “That was a great first taste of our little fantasy. Let’s do it again sometime. Maybe when we’re sober.”

Charlie zipped up his pants and took Danny close to him. They shared a kiss when Da Kurlzz popped up. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing at all. Just that we agreed to party like a war child tonight!”

The night continued on. Somehow Danny ended up on one of the stripper poles just for the hell of it. Charlie was in a bar fight at some point. He was crowned king of the club for beating up someone who had been wreaking havoc all along. It basically meant he got free drinks for a year. When they went outside into the night, they rapped all of their sick lyrics for a new song, climbing on buildings, cars or streetlights, really anything they could climb on.

And yes, Charlie and Danny did end up in bed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	10. Mother Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother Murder songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> I can see blood all over my hands.  
> The longer you lay next to me, the further I ran.  
> What's it all worth? How much can you stand?  
> The longer you stay close to me, the further I ran.

_**Mother Murder** _

 

Charlie was restless. His chest heaving and his breath rapid intakes. His heart was beating like crazy. Again he saw the picture before his eyes. He looked down at his pillow. There was blood. The blood seemed to come out of his pillow, covered his bed in the red liquid and drowned him in it. He tried to scream for help but he was drowning in blood.

His eyes shot open and he sat upright immediately, hitting his head against the roof of his bunk. He was panicking. The pain was too much. His shirt was drenched in sweat and the sweat beading on his forehead dripped down to his nose. His hair was damp. He sat upright panting before his face showed pain and he crashed. Tears slid down his cheeks and a soft sob left his throat. Why did he have to keep waking up like that?

It had been over eight years since it happened but why did he still have get nightmares over it? He cried his eyes out, desperately trying to be silent. Funny Man awoke and looked down at him from his top spot bunk. “Charlie? You ok?”

“No”, Charlie managed to say in between his sniffs. “I’m not at all ok.”

The Mexican got out of his bunk and stood next to his. “What happened?”

“The nightmare again.”

“What did you see this time?” Funny Man asked.

The rapper calmed his sobs. “There was blood. Blood everywhere.”

Funny Man got in the bunk with him and rubbed his back while he cried. “It’s ok. It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not! How could we kill her like that?!”

“You don’t know if she would’ve survived. She could’ve died after a month on her own.”

“No, she was going to live and I was going to be a father but we killed her. How could I have been so stupid? She would’ve been eight years old by now. Why did I let her die?”

“You didn’t kill her”, Funny Man said prominently. He squeezed his shoulder and took him against his side in a half hug. “It wasn’t even a baby yet.”

“But there was a heartbeat”, Charlie murmured. He leaned into Funny Man. “I can’t believe what it caused.”

 

_ Eight Years Ago _

__

“I’m pregnant.”

Charlie looked up startled. “Say that again?”

“I’m pregnant and it’s yours”, Randi repeated.

The bandana rapper swallowed thickly and turned off the television. “Are you serious? That’s awesome!”

He took her in a hug but she moved away. “No, it’s not.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re in a touring band and I’ll be raising the baby on my own”, Randi expressed, folding her arms. “That’s why I don’t want this baby. I don’t want to raise it on my own.”

“You won’t have to raise her on your own.”

“I will because you’re busy with Hollywood Undead. Or will you drop out of the band?”

“No! I can’t quit Hollywood Undead”, Charlie defended himself. “We’re leaving for a tour tomorrow.”

“Exactly. That’s why I’m getting an abortion.”

“What?!”

“Listen, Jordon, I love you, but I can’t have this baby if there won’t be a father.”

“Fine”, Charlie said before he could stop himself. “How far are you?”

“Six weeks”, she said, her lips trembling.

Charlie looked down at his feet. “Are you sure you don’t want to have this baby?”

“Let’s not call it a baby anymore. It’s not a baby yet. There’s only a heartbeat.”

“Let’s compromise. We’ll call it a she”, the bandana responded, his throat suddenly sore.

“Fine, but we’re not having her”, she coldly stated.

Charlie blinked a few times, not fully processing what she was saying. “So when are you seeing the doctor?”

“The day after tomorrow. I’d like for you to be there with me.”

“But I’m leaving for the tour”, Charlie argued.

She folded her arms. “So you’re dumping your pregnant girlfriend for the tour instead of accompanying her to abort your child?”

The rapper sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell the guys I can’t leave for the tour yet.”

That was how their tour had been delayed. Because Charlie’s girlfriend was pregnant.

 

_ Present time _

 

“I just can’t believe how I could stand there idly and let her abort the baby”, Charlie whispered, still feeling the reassuring hand of his best friend rub over his back. He hid his face in his hands. “I was so stupid. I was joking about it all the time like it didn’t hit me but it did.”

“You joke about everything serious to make it easier. I know that as well as you do”, the Mexican told him and he nodded numbly.

“I just… She told me it wouldn’t work out if we had the kid while I was touring so much. Have you looked at Johnny and Danny? They’re touring and their wives and daughters are ok with it. Why couldn’t Randi be ok with it?” Charlie said, a heartfelt sob leaving his throat.

“You were only 21 years old. You couldn’t have a kid at that age”, Funny Man said.

Charlie sighed. “I could. I would’ve but she didn’t want to.”

The baritone voiced rapper remained silent. He looked around at the other bunks but no one seemed to wake up while the main rapper was so upset. No one knew what was going on with him. No one knew about the nightmares.

“I don’t even know what’s the worst part of it”, Charlie murmured.

“What do you mean?”

“Was it the part where I sat idly as they killed our baby? Or the part where we grew apart?”

 

_ Seven Years Ago _

 

“Our baby would’ve been born by now”, Charlie murmured.

Randi dropped her plate and cursed underneath her breath. She rushed to find a cloth and cleaned the spaghetti sauce off the floor. “What did you say, honey?”

“I said she would’ve been born by now”, he repeated.

She glared at him. “Not this shit again. Are you trying to make me feel guilty? You’re still a child yourself. You couldn’t raise a kid. You’re only 22!”

The bandana rapper scoffed. “I said I could handle a child.”

“Saying is different of actually taking care of one. You wouldn’t be around to take care of her. For all you know, it could’ve been a son too.”

“A son would’ve been great. I would have a kid to share my experiences with!”

“What experiences? Your stupidity? Your ignorance? Obnoxious behavior? Lack of care for your girlfriend?”

“Just shut up already”, Charlie grumbled and sat down at the table. “Since you removed the baby, you’ve been on your permanent period.”

“Permanent period? Maybe I just don’t like it how you seem to fuck around.”

“Fuck around? I don’t fuck around”, Charlie scoffed.

Randi raised an eyebrow. “You’ve made out with George at least three times already.”

“Are you insane? That’s not fucking around.”

“No, but it’s still cheating”, she called out.

The bandana rapper laughed harshly and short. “You’re pathetic.”

He took his plate of food and went upstairs, not wanting to hear her anymore. She was killing him. And she took away his kid, so she killed him twice.

 

_ Present Time _

__

“I can’t believe we managed to keep up our fighting relationship until a while ago. We were literally fighting for five years. Three years ago we finally broke up. Can you believe how long I managed to stick with her without being close? I ran so hard”, Charlie told his friend.

Funny Man rubbed his shoulder to warm him up since his sweat was starting to cool down and made him feel cold. “It’s ok now. You don’t have to deal with it anymore.”

The light switched on to reveal the guys standing around his bunk. “What? Were you guys standing there all this time?”

Johnny lowered his eyes. “I awoke when you said my name. I never knew it bothered you so much.”

“It’s not your fault”, Charlie said.

Danny crawled into the tight space with the two of them, making it even more cramped up but he nested himself in Charlie’s lap. “If it makes you feel better, being a dead beat dad who’s never there, isn’t fun either.”

“Yeah, I miss my girl like crazy”, Johnny endorsed.

J-Dog cleared his throat. “I never wanted kids so I don’t know what you’re going through, but it must suck.”

“Really, everything will be just fine. The nightmares will stop. You’ll get another shot at being a father”, Da Kurlzz assured him.

Charlie shrugged. “I just can’t believe I’ll never meet her. She’s dead.”

Danny hugged him. “You can take care of me?”

The rapper chuckled despite his tears. “Danny!”

“What? I had to say something.”

“Adorable”, Funny Man chuckled. He pulled Charlie in close too. “We’re here for  you, even if we can’t help you with this.”

“I didn’t know you wanted a child”, Johnny said. “But if you were meant to be a father, you’ll get another chance.”

Charlie shrugged. “I don’t really know if I want to be a father. I just didn’t want her to die like that. She didn’t even get the chance to live.”

“But in the short time she did live, she knew you were fighting for her cause”, Da Kurlzz assured him. He knew it was total bullshit because she wasn’t conscious but he felt like those were the words he had to say to make him feel better.

Charlie smiled. “Thanks, guys. Danny, please get off my lap. You’re crushing my junk.”

“No! I’m comforting!”

“Yeah, you are, but at least don’t lean on my family jewels like that.”

Danny got up and out of the bunk. “Fine, but don’t you dare close on us. We’re having a moment here! Whether you like it or not, we’re here for you!”

“And I appreciate it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	11. Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lion songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> I am a lion and I want to be free  
> Do you see a lion when you look inside of me?  
> Outside the window just to watch you as you sleep  
> Cause I am a lion born from things you cannot be

**_Lion_ **

 

It almost went in slow motion. It didn’t really go like that but it was the type of dramatic moment where you’d think it went like that if it were a movie. “Go away!” Danny shoved Johnny backwards. He stumbled and fell on the floor, putting out his hands to catch his fall. The blue masked rapper scurried backwards when Danny closed in on him. “I’m not yours. I’m not hers. I will never be a possession!”

“I never said you were a possession!”

“Then why are you making me choose?!” Danny shouted furiously, his body trembling in anger. He was about to strike Johnny with the worst smack he could imagine but he held back. He bit back his anger. “This”, Danny said and he gestured to the two of them, “is over.”

“You can hide from me now but I can’t leave this alone! I gave up my wife for you!”

Danny stomped. “I never asked you to!”

“Then what about those dreams we had? The thoughts were shared about getting our own place and moving in together?!” Johnny shouted, now getting up. The singer wanted to hit him but he grabbed his wrist. “You can’t escape reality, Danny!”

“You were born like this and you will stay like this.”

“I still get to choose who I love”, Danny bit, snatching his wrist out of his grip.

Johnny laughed coldly. “No, you can’t. We don’t choose who we love. I never picked you.”

“I will never pick you”, Danny coldly stated, his eyes murderous.

“Just admit it! You wanna be with me as much as I wanna be with you!” Johnny argued but Danny turned his back to him. “No, I’m straight. Something you cannot be.”

Sometimes you have to realize when enough is enough. Johnny knew it had been enough that day. He took his pride off the floor and left his beloved alone. Danny hadn’t even heard him leave. He turned around and saw the empty spot, falling to the floor where he had just been. “I didn’t want you to stop fighting for me!”

After an hour he finally mustered the courage to get up and he fled upstairs all the way to his own room in the attic.

He locked the door and crouched in the corner next to his bed. The world could go to hell now. He just wanted to be free, why didn’t Johnny get that? Why did he have to turn it into something serious? Why did he have to make him fall in love? All he had wanted, was a get away from his wife because he knew he wasn’t born to be with a girl but it was too late to turn back now. Johnny knew that feeling and made him escape reality but when the blue masked rapper told his wife he wanted to get a divorce, Danny couldn’t deny the seriousness of the situation anymore.

So he’d run away from his problems instead.

 

Meanwhile Johnny smacked the door closed behind him angrily, making Asia look up. They were divorced but he still hadn’t found a place to move into while she stayed in the house. He was supposed to buy a house with Danny as they both escaped their wives. Guess not. She raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to know?”

“Just. No, stop. I’ve had enough shit for a day.”

“I’m sorry I don’t pity your secret life”, she sarcastically stated.

Johnny’s eyes dropped. “It’s not secret. I gave up everything for Danny but he doesn’t want to do the same. He lied to me.”

“Poor thing”, she snarled. “Liars are bad now, aren’t they?”

“I know I had an affair with him while we were married but I truly love him.”

“And I truly loved you”, she replied, flipping through her magazine with crossed legs. “Ain’t life a bitch? Don’t expect pity from me, George. You know you screwed up badly to expect my pity.”

“I don’t expect pity. I expect empathy”, Johnny replied, running upstairs to smash his room closed. He knocked his fist into the door but when he turned around he spotted his daughter sitting on the bed. “Daddy?”

“Ava.”

She stared at him with her big eyes and he crouched in front of her. “Hey.”

“Are you fighting with mommy again?”

“Yeah, but I swear I’ll change.”

“Change what? You can’t change who you are.”

He blinked at her words. “How much do you know?”

“I know you love that really nice boy you take home sometimes.”

He smiled at her sadly. “We won’t fight anymore, promise.”

“You already said that”, she sighed before she got up and ran away.

Johnny felt a sting inside his heart. He gave it all up for Danny, but he’d give it all away if he could have him again. He realized deep inside why Danny wanted to be free. He wanted to be free too, but it had to be this way.

He rushed downstairs again. “Did you know Ava’s suffering because of our fighting?”

“Is that an excuse?”

“No, I mean it. It must be rough on her when we’re constantly fighting.”

“Then you shouldn’t have cheated.”

“I know but it’s too late for that. I made the mistake to realize too late who I was.”

She sighed and closed her magazine. “But I’m glad you realized it too late. Else, We wouldn’t have had such a beautiful daughter.”

“That’s true. I only wish I hadn’t fallen for Danny, then maybe, just maybe we’d still be fine and this wouldn’t have to happen.”

“You can’t deny your nature, honey. If you’re truly supposed to be gay, you would’ve fallen for someone else than Danny.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit. He told me to scram when I told him the plan of living together if he left his wife.”

“Come on. Don’t give up. You didn’t give up on asking me out either”, she smiled and he returned half a smile. “Thanks. I will.”

He stormed outside and ran all the way to Danny’s house. His wife and daughter weren’t home yet. His wife was at her job and his daughter was with a friend. He rang the bell but there was no reply. He got the spare key from underneath the plant next to the door and got in. “Danny!”

There was no reply. He ran upstairs. “Danny!”

Still no reply.

He banged the attic door. “Danny! Please, let me in!”

“Go away.”

“Hey! I never meant to let go!”

“Too late. You’re suffocating me by forcing my choice.”

“You’re all I want and all I ever wanna know.”

Danny ducked his head, feeling his heart reach out but he couldn’t.

“You can’t hide in the attic of your pretty home!”

“Yes, I can”, he replied.

“I never meant for you to get hurt. I’m sorry I rushed this. I’m sorry I made it so serious. Please, just let me in.”

Danny’s head felt full. It felt like two powers were battling for dominance inside of him. A war between the love for Johnny and the fear of who he was. He hid his face in his knees. “Go away.”

“Don’t walk away on me. You’ll make everything meaningless. Didn’t it mean anything when you said you loved me?”

“It did. It really did”, Danny replied, tears sliding down his cheeks. “But how can I be sure you won’t back out on me in the end?”

“You can’t. Just like how I can’t be sure you won’t back out but right now you’re backing out!”

“I don’t even know who I am.”

“I do. I know who you are and you’re all I ever wanna know. You’re all I want in my life”, Johnny shouted, his fist knocking into the door. “Just let me in.”

A long silence followed and Johnny was ready to turn his back when he heard the lock open. The door opened and revealed the lead singer. “Hi.”

“Hey”, Johnny stated.

Danny jumped him in a hug and wrapped his arms around him tightly. “Don’t you ever leave me.”

Johnny took him close. “I’d rather die than watch you giving in.”

“I won’t hide anymore”, Danny promised. He slid his thumb over his beloved’s cheek, swiping up a tear. “I won’t hide from the tears you’ve shed.”

“But you want to be free?”

“We can be free together. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“We were born like this.”

“What? Gay?”

“No, lions.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	12. Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Circles songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> I was running in circles  
> I hurt myself,  
> Just to find my purpose.  
> Everything was so worthless,  
> I didn't deserve this,  
> But to me you were perfect.

**_circles_ **

 

“We’re here alone”, he said. I listened. It couldn’t have been true that I was meant to do anything else than listen. It’s always been my trademark. His gentle voice got carried away by the light summer breeze. “It’s warm.”

His presence was so faint to me. it was like he was there but then at some point he wasn’t. His mind was consistently shifting his attention from me to other things and back. It was only fair. After all I wasn’t important to him.

I remember a time when it was different but his pain consumed him more than ever. Was I that hard to handle? I’m sure, I wasn’t, but his love was just so ethereal. He gazed at me with his stare. It once held love but now it didn’t. I still loved this man. I’d always love him but why did it feel so foreign for us to be alone in the silence of the rustling grass and summer breeze.

“Listen, Johnny…”

There it was again. I was meant to listen, nothing else. I simply turned my whole mind off because every time I was told to listen, something bad was coming. If I didn’t hear it, it didn’t exist. A monotonous sound filled my head. He wasn’t there anymore. He had never been there. Neither had I.

I awoke covered in sweat. My shirt was soaked so I pulled it over my head and dropped it next to me somewhere on the floor. The cool air hit my chest and I shuddered momentarily. It didn’t feel too well but I’d felt worse things in my life. I sunk beneath the covers and turned my back to the outer world.

The nightmare had been coming to me more often. It wasn’t my fault the stupid problem kept surfacing. It was all on the interviewers. Why did everyone keep asking about Deuce? Why did they have to keep asking me questions about his leave? We kept a waterproof story out on the market. Hell, when the guys found out we had to.

It hadn’t been a nice sight. I still remember it.

Suddenly the mood had shifted between Deuce and me. He broke up with me and it hit my heart like a cannonball because I loved him for all I had. Charlie noticed our constant fighting. He noticed my undying pain and constant flaring temper. Charlie always knew every single step I took. It had always been that way. Whenever someone would ask who was the leader of the band, they’d point at me, but I reality… Charlie was the real hero of the band. He was always the one taking care of everything. He was the one pampering me when I got in trouble. Even back then when I poured my heart out to him.

He did nothing. He only stood there, arms folded and jaws clenched. He listened to me. For once I wasn’t the one listening. It was Charlie. As you might expect, Charlie got angry. He was furious. Deuce had broken my heart. He told J-Dog, Da Kurlzz, Funny Man. He told them all. Soon they were all standing up against Deuce to help me but in the end, it made Deuce turn sour and we had to kick him out.

We never meant for it to go that far. It was just a fight. Just a heartbreak. A heartbreak couldn’t be that bad, right? It was that bad.

When Deuce got kicked out, the band continued as a five piece but then we remembered we kept a pretty good singer at bay in our crew. His name was Danny. He was a kindhearted soul. He always smiled whenever we joked around. Whenever I saw him, he offered me his small innocent smile. Now I’m not one to be naïve but it almost seemed like the innocence within him was pure, like he’d never have any ill intentions. I know it was stupid of me to think that way because wasn’t that the way I got hurt with Deuce? I shoved that thought away. Even now as I lay in my bunkbed.

I heard a meek voice. “Johnny?”

My eyes shut more tightly. Why did it have to sound so pitiful. I didn’t need his pity. “Danny.”

My voice was hoarse and it cracked in the middle. Just the sheer sound of pain was captured in it so perfectly that I felt the tears of back then well up again. No, not now. I couldn’t let my tears spill. I walked away. Deuce broke up with me, asking me if I had anything to say about it. I didn’t. I just walked away. If only I had asked for my heart back before I did so.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t know anything of it anyway.”

He was closer to me now. Almost like he was standing next to my bunk.

“Is it about the thing you guys always talk about that I’m not allowed to know?”

My attention was focused on him as I turned over abruptly. “What?”

He was standing next to my bunk and fidgeting with his fingers. He looked down. “You guys are always talking about something in a quiet voice whenever you’re sad. I was wondering. Is it because you don’t like me?”

I sat upright and let him take place next to me, our legs dangling down. “No. I do like you. You’re a great friend.”

Danny shrugged. “Then why can’t I know about it?”

I leaned my elbows on my knees. “It’s just something that happened before you were a part of this. I mean, you were a crew member but you weren’t close enough to know anything about this.”

He put a hand on my shoulder and I gazed back at him. His eyes held a certain sorrow I couldn’t place. “Is it about Deuce?”

“It is”, I breathily admitted. “It’s always about him. Why can’t everyone just let him go? Can’t they see it hurts?”

The singer wrapped his arms around my one arm and laid his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I asked.”

I put my hand on his hair and pet him softly. “No, you have the right to ask. We’ve been keeping it from you because it really wasn’t a pleasant time.”

He rubbed his cheek on my shoulder. “I wanna help you.”

“You can’t. He really hurt me. I believe I hurt him too but even if I did, he knew how to hide it.”

Danny pouted. “I bet he’s equally as hurt as you are. He lost everyone after all.”

I blinked a few times. “You’re right”, I murmured before I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “Why are you awake?”

“I can’t sleep. I heard you murmur in your sleep.”

“I’m sorry”, I said. “You should go back to sleep.”

“But I wanna cheer you up.”

“You already did. You don’t even know you did.”

He smiled and hopped out of my bunk into his own. I smiled at him before I lay down and turned my back to him. How could I have been so selfish before? Sure, he broke my heart into a million pieces when he suddenly told me he didn’t want to continue what we had, but that didn’t mean I had the right to ruin the opportunity to become famous. I unintentionally took the band away from him. It wasn’t my fault they picked my side, was it? I couldn’t even remember if it was. The whole year was a blur. My mind throbbed tiredly and I realized I had to go back to bed for the big show tomorrow. I closed my eyes. Right before I fell asleep, I opened them again. I took out my phone and typed a quick text to the one who broke me.

_I’m sorry for everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	13. Hear Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hear Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> Where’d you go? Where’s your home?  
> How’d you end up all alone?  
> Can you hear me now?  
> There’s no light, there’s no sound.  
> Hard to breathe, when you’re underground.  
> Can you hear me now? Hear me now

_**Hear Me Now** _

 

There’s no light. There’s no sound.

Just the dripping of the leaking water pipe.

I look around me. I can’t see. There’s nothing or maybe there was before the light disappeared? That’s a good question. Maybe he’d tell me next time. Then again why would he tell me anything at all?

We haven’t really spoken in a while. I believe we’ve both given up on this. “Hard to breathe when you’re underground, isn’t it?”

The smug voice startled me. For a second I had forgotten he was still with me. Somehow my mind liked to think he had gone away and left me alone in the dark but apparently, he hadn’t. “I can breathe just fine.”

It had been a long time since we had spoken. No idea how long though because that’s the fun thing about time. When you’re trapped, you have no idea how long you have been there. It could feel like hours when in reality, it had only been a few seconds or minutes. That’s the way I felt right now.

Had it been hours? Or had it really been a few minutes? No, not that comparison. Had it been days? Or had it been hours? That fitted my situation better. I took a deep breath, screamed at the top of my lungs, only to let it echo into the darkness. This place must’ve been huge.

How could a place like that be so huge while I was stuck in this cramped up space. At first it had made me claustrophobic but now I was used to it. It was almost like it was my safe space. The cramped room meant I was safe down here while he was up there. I was below the danger. My stomach growled.

“You’re hungry.”

With my lips pursed, I fought the urge to give a snappy remark but we all knew how that would end. _What did you call me?_

I shuddered. “I am.”

He may have confirmed my hunger, he didn’t do anything about it. All he did, was make an uninterested sound. As if he didn’t care if I’d starve.

“How long has it been?”

“Has what been?”

“My stay.”

There was a silence on the other end. “Take a lucky guess.”

“Judging by my hunger, I’m guessing a day.”

He chuckled. “You must’ve had a lot to eat then before you ended up here.”

Mockery. Again. Don’t mind it. I’m used to it.

“Danny!”

My eyes widened as I screamed in return.

“Danny!”

“Can you hear me?!”

He laughed and laughed, like he knew the voice, coming from Johnny, would never be able to hear me. It became a lullaby dancing around my head, singing for me to give up and let go. I hid my face in my hands and screamed once more, hoping he would hear me.

“He won’t hear you.”

“How do you know?”

“They are looking for you because it’s the polite thing to do but really, they don’t care.”

“They do.”

“Then how’d you end up all alone here?”

“I…”

No answer to that because it was true. “Where is your home? They don’t want you. You’re just a weak replacement.”

“Stop it!”

I wanted to tear his eyes out but I couldn’t. I’d never be able to reach him. “Can you hear me now!?!”

His voice boomed through the building as I flinched because of the loudness of his voice. “He’ll hear you like that. Why are you helping me?”

He laughed. “You think I’m helping you? That’s cute.”

“Danny!?”

It was closer now. “He’ll find me. You’ll see.”

“Where is your home?”

I heard footsteps echo through the building. “Danny?!”

“I’m here!”

Quick footsteps. “It’s pitch black in here!”

That voice was J-Dog’s. Johnny had been calling out to me. It was too dark to see him but the sound of their voices told me they were close. “Watch out, I’m in a pit.”

“Why are you in a pit?”

I sighed and got on my feet, staring up and into the darkness. “I stumbled and fell. There’s no reception here so I’ve been waiting for you guys to come and find me.”

“Oh God, are you alright?”

“My shoulder hurts a bit but I’m alright. I had company. Watch out for him. He’s an evil one.”

“I didn’t hear anyone else but I’ll keep an…ear out for him.”

“I’ll go find the light”, J-Dog called out while Johnny was scurrying over the floor to try and find the pit I had fallen into. It would be a disaster if he fell in as well. At some point I heard Johnny call out he couldn’t find the pit. “Your voice sounds further away from me.”

He scurried back to the spot he had been before and continued onward in a different direction. “Found it!”

That was J-Dog’s voice. He switched on the light. It was blinding. I screamed in agony, covering my eyes and falling backwards. How could the light hurt that much? How long had I been there?

Johnny peeked over the edge of the pit. “Damn, you fell six feet down?”

“I did.”

“And your shoulder is the only spot that hurts?” he asked.

I nodded, shielding my eyes from the light. “I fell face first. I’m so happy I didn’t break my neck.”

Johnny stuck out his hand. “Grab my hand, I’ll pull you up.”

The light was too much for my eyes to bear without shielding. “I can’t stand the light. It hurts.”

“Damn right it does. You’ve been in this dark hole for three days.”

Three days. There you go. While it seemed one day to me, it had actually been three days. That was the reverse theory of my time passing.

I shut my eyes tightly and stuck out my hand. He grabbed me, called out to J-Dog for help and they both pulled me up. That’s when I felt my shoulder click and an agonizing pain spread through me all the way. I rolled on my side when they pulled me out and whimpered in pain. “I think I dislocated my shoulder by doing that.”

“Shit, we have to get it back in place cause we’re by foot, man.”

“Where is he?”

“Who?”

“The guy who was with me?”

“There was nobody here, Danny”, Johnny expressed worriedly. “You sure there was somebody here?”

“Yes! He was talking to me. He must’ve fled when you guys came in.”

J-Dog held my arm back and look at Johnny. “On three you’ll snap his shoulder back.”

“Alright.”

“Three!”

I screamed in surprise and pain as I felt my shoulder click back into place.

They called an ambulance, helped me upright and walked me to the nearest road where the ambulance had already arrived. They put me in there and promised me they’d come as soon as they could. They couldn’t come with me as they weren’t family. First they’d get Charlie, Funny and Kurlzz up to date that they had found me because the three were worried sick.

Things went a lot faster than expected. A doctor took pictures of my shoulder and confirmed it was back in place. He pointed me to a room I’d be staying in for observation as he wasn’t quite happy with my behavior. Apparently I had some damage inside because of the three days. He did not like the way my stomach growled or how I said I hadn’t eaten in three days. First of all, I wanted to shower. I stepped out into the bathroom. The guys still weren’t here. I took a quick cold shower and got dressed in hospital attire. I looked into the mirror. My face looked scratched. It seemed like I had tried to live with the bears while really, I had been too curious. I had wanted to see what the old building in the woods was about as my friends had scared me with a haunted story about it.

It did not allow light in there. That’s how I stumbled and fell into the pit. My phone had no reception and come to think of it, I must’ve left it there. I shuddered. I’d have to go back. It was so strange how my company had suddenly disappeared after pestering me for three days. He must’ve fled when the guys arrived or he must’ve hid himself. Who was he anyway? My beaten face in the mirror suddenly shifted into a darker shade of my own reflection. “How’d you end up all alone?”

My blood turned into liquid ice when I heard that voice.

“Where is your home?”

He laughed. I knew that laugh. It had been the one that accompanied me those three days. “There was no company. It was all in my head. I’m fucking delusional.”

A loud voice inside of my head suddenly screamed: “Can you hear me now?!”

If only the guys could arrive in time now. Before the voice got to me again. Before I got to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


	14. New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lyrics:
> 
> Cause I know I know I'm not right  
> But I've got my whole life  
> And that's alright with me
> 
> It's a new day! a new day!  
> You have loved yourself and no one else  
> In a new day! a new day!  
> It's a broken life, what's left inside?  
> It's a new day! a new day!  
> You have loved yourself and no one else  
> It's a new day! How do we change?  
> With a broken life, what's left inside?

_**New Day** _

At the crack of dawn, I awoke. Somehow the sunlight always found its way into my eyes. Even though, there was only a very thin line of space between the ceiling and wall. They called me ruthless. They had no idea what it felt like to be me. I looked at the door and saw no light. It was very early in the morning. Not even the guards were up. I tapped the wall with my fist. Once. There was a small hole leading to the cell next to me. I immediately got a reply: "Up early?"

"The light always finds my eyes."

The man chuckled. "A clue on when we'll be fed? God, it sounds like we're animals."

"We are beasts, Jay."

Jay turned over in his bed, I heard it creak. "Have you heard from the other subjects?"

"I haven't", I replied honestly. "Do you think they'll let us in the courtyard today?"

"Maybe. We're behaving quite well."

We were animals. A human zoo, only it wasn't meant to nurture humans back to health. We were prisoners, kept because we were a danger to humanity. They did horrible things to us. On good days, we were allowed into the courtyard. That's where I met the other captives.

The light flipped on, a small opening in the door unlatched and a plate of food was shoved inside. "Your breakfast"

I took the plate into my lap and sighed. "Like I said, an animal."

"Don't complain, Johnny. They won't let us in the courtyard if we don't behave."

"That's true", I mused while chewing on the food. It wasn't good but it was something. We couldn't starve. Not now we were forming a plan to escape. That's exactly why we had to get to the courtyard. We would discuss the plan into detail once more before carrying it out. I couldn't talk about it with Jay through the wall. The guards could hear it. In the open outside, they weren't close enough to hear our conversations. I had to talk to the guys about this. I had to see my baby girl again. She must've grown so much since I last saw her. I'd been stuck for so long, never ambitious to leave but another convict had motivated me. Danny. He was a father too and he had to go home to his daughter as well. We found strength in one another although he could get twisted sometimes. After all, we were imprisoned for a reason. None of us were innocent. We committed crimes and we wouldn't deny that, but we weren't sitting this one out.

The sound of a buzzer knocked me out of my thoughts as the doors to my cell opened. Time to go outside. As expected, we got to go to the courtyard. J-Dog bumped into me on our way. "You think they'll let Charlie out of the isolation?"

"I'm not sure. He caused a lot of trouble", I sighed. Another convict I met here. Charlie Scene. A real trouble maker. He was one big bad wolf. He may not be the tallest or the most muscled one but he had an ice-cold heart and a hot temper. He didn't have a family to get home to but he had a marriage to save, if there was any saving to do.

The first one I saw when we were brought out into the daylight, was Funny Man. Don't let his name fool you. If you try any funny business with him, he's bound to make your life a hell. He was on top of the chain of the immigrant prisoners since he was half Mexican and half Canadian. Getting him on our side was an accident but he had a huge influence over the entire population in prison so it would definitely be an advantage. When the Mexican spotted us, he made his way over to us, telling his buddies to stay where they were. "Yo homies! How's it going? We've got an increase in guards on watch today so let's seem like we're playing a game instead of conspiring. They're suspicious of us already."

"Good idea. You got a card game? We're just gonna play poker", J-Dog commented.

"Nah but Kurlzz got one."

Da Kurlzz. You were lucky to get away from him if you ever insulted that man. He had more strength in his body than the five of us combined. All he had done, was deal some drugs to pay the rent of his apartment but that wasn't what he was arrested for. He was framed for murder on one of his clients and he still had to make the real murderer pay. We were all about getting out to settle some unfinished business. Kurlzz soon came towards us and Funny Man asked him to take the cards out, informing him of the increased security.

Across the courtyard, I spotted Danny. "Guys, why is Danny staying there? Shouldn't he be with us?"

"Danny? Dude, there's no talking to Danny. He's fucked up. You should drop him in our plan."

"No, he knows too much" J-Dog commented, waving at Danny. The man looked up, interest peaked and made his way over to them. "Are we setting the plan into motion anytime soon?"

"We are."

"What about Charlie?" Danny asked, looking around to see if he wasn't there.

"We'll have to do it without him. He's still in isolation for the wreaking havoc the other day", I said.

"Thanks, Johnny", came the sarcastic remark behind him. "I'll let you know I got out for behaving like a good dog."

The guys chuckled and sat down, discussing their plan over a card game. Their strategy was simple. All of the cells were locked from the outside with an electric card. Get one of the guards' id's and we'd be out in no time. Of course, there was a lock on the inside as well, should a guard ever get locked up by accident. Those were only installed after a guard got beaten to death by a convict. The moment they installed them, the guys knew how to get out.

Funny Man played a card. "I got my boys ready to hack into the security system once we free them. They'll get the security cameras down for us."

"Won't they want to break free as well?"

"Nah, I told them I'd come for them once I was out. They trust me, you know. I ain't no liar", Funny Man convinced them.

"Great. How do we get the card?"

"Rally, dude. We start up a huge fight, guards come rushing down to drag us apart. They can't shoot us with that many witnesses", the Mexican continued. I shuddered at the thought. The guards here were known to be quite trigger-happy. "How do we start a fight?"

Funny Man got up, dusted himself off. "I got a beef to settle with that fucking white boy, Deuce. I could easily fuck him up."

"When the guards drag you apart, you take his card."

"Yeah."

"Good, then we all know what to do, right?"

"So the plan's complete?" Funny Man asked.

The five nodded. The Mexican grinned before dashing off and jumping Deuce.

"WHAT IS HE DOING? NOT NOW!"

Unfortunately, Funny Man and Deuce's fight caused an uproar. The men surrounding them, shouting for their favourite to win. They were betting over the winner as well. Betting Deuce would get his nose broken or that Funny Man would be locked up into isolation. They'd never do that. Funny Man had way too much men serving under him in prison to be locked away. As expected, the guards came rushing down to drag them apart, keeping everyone under the gun so they wouldn't attack. The Mexican winked at the five of them when he got on his feet and walked away from the security guard.

Deuce was dragged into isolation. Bonus point for Funny Man. He smirked and said. "Step one's accomplished. We got a few hours before he discovers he lost his card. You wanna take the risk to get back to our cells this afternoon?"

"Dude, are you altering the plan?" Charlie asked and Funny Man nodded. "Fuck yeah, dude. We're escaping now. Fuck security cameras. All guards are here right now."

"Let's go then", Danny spoke "I need to see my little girl."

"They're watching us."

"They're always watching us!"

Funny Man handed the card into the stack of playing cards to me and said. "You take them outside. They got their eyes on me right now because of the fight."

"How will you get out?"

"I'll figure it out."

I waited until the guards on the tower had turned around before I made my way over to the door. I had to make sure no one was watching me or the whole prison would try to break free. I opened the door, let it remain half cracked so my friends would follow in a few seconds. It would be too suspicious if all five of us left right away. I ran through the hallway, trying to figure out where to go.

Behind him I heard footsteps, signaling the guys were coming as well. When I turned around and met with Charlie and Danny, there were gunshots and the alarm went off. "What the fuck? Why are they shooting? Who got shot?" Charlie asked in a panicky voice. Danny shook his head. "I have no idea."

J-Dog rushed over to us, panting. "Da Kurlzz is fucking dead, dude."

"What?!"

"He ran into a guard inside and he shot him through the head. We have to fucking go NOW!"

We ran away quickly into a small hallway. If we took less big hallways, we wouldn't run into as many guards. There were footsteps behind us and we knew we had to hurry. I heard a voice: "Guys, it's me!"

We stopped in our tracks as Funny Man met up with us. "What? How'd you get here?"

The Mexican laughed. "Skills, dude. Where's the curly one?"

"Da Kurlzz didn't make it. A guard shot him in the head."

"Fuck, we have to go. They noticed us already", Funny Man worried before they headed straight for the emergency exit.

Another gunshot. "FUCK!"

"Jay!" I called out as he fell to the ground. They shot him in the calf. I pulled him upright. He supported his weight on me as we continued forward but another gunshot hit Jay in the back. I gasped as he fell, eyes wide open. "Rest in peace, my friend", I sighed before running forwards to the others. "Guys, Jay is dead."

"Fuck, our plan is failing", Charlie breathed. "We have to ditch these guards. Let's split up!"

"I'm splitting up with Johnny", Danny said and the four of us parted ways. I dragged Danny to a hiding place to stay there for a few minutes before we'd continue. We couldn't run forever so we had to spare our energy. As we sat in silence, we heard an ice-cold scream fill the hallways.

I covered my mouth. Charlie. Let Charlie be ok, please. Danny signaled to me that we had to get going so we dashed off again, trying to step as silent as possible so we wouldn't raise any suspicion towards the hall we were running through. A figure suddenly appeared in front of us and we almost beat him up when we saw it was Charlie. "Dude, you're alive!"

The man bowed his head. "They got to Funny Man. I got away with a gunshot to my arm."

He proved his point by lifting his hand off of the bloody wound, painting his attire red. "We're gonna die, Johnny."

"We're not gonna die!" I promised him before we left again. The emergency exit should be right around the corner. It was! We made it! The door opened and we breathed the fresh air. We made it. Danny ran out in front of us, jumping as the feeling of freedom hit him. It made me smile and Charlie couldn't help but smile either. His wound long forgotten.

I heard a voice behind us calling and looked behind us to see a few guards aiming their guns at us. No! No! Not now that we were finally free!

They shot me in the leg and I fell, the cold ground hitting me hard but I had to keep going. Charlie dropped down next to me, eyes wide open as I saw a gunshot in his head. No… Charlie. I had to keep going. I had to. I had to get to my little girl.

With all the strength I had left in my body, I got up and limped further but the guards were quicker.

"Danny! Help me!" I cried out as the guards got to me, gun pressed against my temples. He looked back at me, then turned around to run off. I watched as his figure became smaller and smaller. I couldn't believe my friend left me like that. It was a new day, yet he was still selfish. He loved himself and no one else. Those were my final thoughts before the guard pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel!


	15. The Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A songfic inspired by The Loss by Hollywood Undead  
> Lyrics:  
> I don't know why I cut myself, God, give me a sign or help  
> I won't cry it'll be fine, I'll take my last breath  
> Push it out my chest till there's nothing left  
> I know that my mind's near the end, God, I hurt myself and fell  
> I won't cry it'll be fine, I'll take my last breath  
> Push it out my chest till there's nothing left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monster: Tell me what you guys think. I truly believe this story came out better than expected! Enjoy

I stared down at the flawless floor. Small droplets falling on it and forming small puddles as they bounced right off the smooth tiles. My chest tightened as it got harder to breath. A droplet fell on my thumb as I sat on my knees helplessly. Hunched like I was trying to protect my heart but he ripped it right out of me. I could feel all the hurt, all the pain, all the tears.

Inhaling deeply felt like trying to blow up a balloon in a box. Confined. Impossible. I swallowed a thick lump as the heartfelt sobs made my throat raw. _How could you?_

It was all I could think. _How could you do something like that to me?_

My pained expression melted into a neutral one as the thoughts flooded into my mind. Thinking replaced my physical hurt. Think. Even if it causes emotional scars, at least the tightness in my chest would be less.

" _We're playing with fire, Johnny."_

" _I don't care", he replied as he spread his arms. "I wanna feel free. Cease the sickness that's in me."_

_I smiled at the view. He seemed to careless. For a moment, he seemed to forget all about that disease. The sickness that was poisoning his mind. Depression._

_Strange how he felt so free and careless on top of a building. Not even for a split second did I fear he would jump or fall. He was immortal. An angel. I could see his feathered black wings._

As the thought faded out of my mind, I felt another deep sob in my chest boiling until I cried my heart out once again. _How could you, Johnny?_

I moved, only slightly but it only made more droplets fall onto the tiles. Not even droplets anymore, heavy streams, all the way down to the floor while I cried and sobbed my soul out. The gasps in between wrenching my own heart in every direction possible to not just eject out of my body. Think. Keep thinking. It'll make it all worth it.

" _Johnny?"_

_He wasn't listening. He was there again. In that other world. His gaze pointed right at me but his eyes hazy._

" _Johnny!"_

_He snapped out of it and looked at me. "Yeah?"_

" _What were you thinking about? You seemed so… out of it."_

" _What would it be like to cease to be? Cease to breathe?"_

" _Johnny…"_

" _Sorry. I know I'm going dark again", he sighed, looking down at his hands but when he looked up again, he flinched at my face. "I'm sorry. Come here."_

_I nested myself into his arms, feeling home, feeling safe. "I don't want you to think like that. You're beautiful. If you die, I die."_

_Johnny's steady breath kept me calm as I put my head in the crook of his neck._

_He inhaled sharply. "I love you."_

" _I love you too", I murmured, looking up at him and watching the tears draw lines on his face. So sad, yet so beautiful. Like a living contrast._

It was all on me.

I managed to get up, leaning heavily on a wall as my heart pounded in my chest, droplets still falling to the floor as I cried, my chest heaving and my sobs getting louder before I saw myself in the mirror. Eyes hazy. Just like his were.

I wouldn't cry anymore. It would be fine. I'd take my last breath and push it out my chest till there was nothing left.

Just like that I slipped against the wall and fell on the harsh bathroom floor, blacked out.

I'd be fine.

For the very last time.

* * *

"For fuck's sake, Aron."

I blinked a few times before I could even think of moving my head in the direction of the voice. "Jay?"

The man whipped his head back to look at me. "Finally, you're awake. I was considering to kill you for a moment here."

My head hurt, so did my arm. Both my arms. I brought my hands up to my cheeks, felt the crusty dried tears. My throat hurt so bad. When I removed my hands from my face, I noticed the white out of the corner of my eyes. Bandages. Around both my wrists, crimson stains all over it. J-Dog bothered to save me.

He made the droplets stop falling onto the tiles. I noticed I was on my own couch as he moved to the kitchen, preparing something I couldn't see. "Are you making me dinner?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Jay's shoulders tensed. "Because you can't take care of yourself. I'm not your parent. I can't ask you to admit yourself to a hospital but I can stay with you and keep you from harming yourself again."

I sat upright, staring at his back as he moved. He was visibly upset. I was the cause of it. As if he read my mind, he turned around with a kitchen knife in his hand. He pointed at me accusingly before asking: "Why?"

"Why what?"

He pointed the knife at my wrists.

I shrugged. "I don't know why I cut myself. I just know my mind is near the end. I can't take it anymore."

"I know", J-Dog replied. "That's your point of view."

His eyes turned pitiful as he put the knife back onto the kitchen counter and walked towards me. "When the news hit like a gunshot, you weren't the only one hurt. When the bullet went through, it took more than just you. It took two. It was you, it was me. Hell, it took all five of us. How do you think we feel?"

I remained silent. Maybe it was best for me to be quiet.

"I just wanted the pain to end", I managed to say when the silence became unbearable.

"And what about our friendship? And what you did was senseless?"

"I didn't die", I spat, "I'm not the one who died."

"You might as well could've, Deuce. You slit your wrists."

"I know", I whispered, my voice breaking all over again as the tears broke through. I leaned my elbows on my knees and covered my face as the awful sobs returned. "How could he?"

"Aron", Jay murmured. He took up a spot next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. "He just did. He was unhappy. We couldn't do anything about it."

"I could've", I cried, turning my head into his shoulder as he held me close. "I loved him so fucking much, Jay."

"I know you did but he was a real friend who planned his end. I still can't wrap my mind around it. How could someone say they're helpless and then they act so selfish?"

I wiped my nose on the back of my hand and wrapped both arms around him in a hug. "Johnny's always been depressed. Severely depressed", he said. "No matter what we would've done. He would've done it one day eventually."

The hurt welled up inside my chest again. I swallowed the lump. Think. Thinking won't make it hurt as bad. Right?

_I closed the door with my foot as I carried my bag inside. I dropped it on the couch and put my keys on the table. "Johnny?"_

_The smile on my face growing as I felt the excitement inside. Today was the day. Today would be the first day of the rest of our life together. I decided it was time to take a step forward with my boyfriend and make him my husband. I felt the ring in my pocket burn my fingers. I've wanted this for so long._

" _Johnny?!" I called upstairs._

_He had been home all day. Surely, he had to be upstairs if he wasn't down here. When no reply came, I kicked off my boots and strode upstairs. "Come on, Johnny! I got a surprise for you!"_

_I rounded the corner and checked our bedroom but he wasn't there. The book he had been reading, left untouched. What had Johnny been doing all day?_

_Was he out and did he forget to tell me? I whipped out my phone and sent him a quick text message but before I hit send, I noticed the bathroom door. Red liquid leaking underneath it into the hallway. I gasped. "JOHNNY?!"_

_The door was locked. I put my shoulder against it, ramming myself into it. "Johnny! Answer me!"_

_With every passing silent second, I became more desperate to get in there, bruising my arm until it was senseless. The lock broke and I stumbled into the bathroom, only to feel the ice pick sink into my heart. Time stood still. I covered my mouth and nose as the tears formed in my eyes. "Johnny!"_

_For a moment, he opened his eyes, looking at me with that dying light in it. "I don't want you to try. You've done enough to keep me going."_

_Voice weak. Only a ghost compared to how strong his voice and words used to be. Only for him to close his eyes again and head rolling to the side._

_Time suddenly sped forward as I dropped down on my knees next to him causing my jeans to get soaked in blood, feeling his pulse, screaming for him to wake up as I kept trying to reanimate him. "Wake up, Johnny! I wanted to marry you, you fucking selfish bastard!"_

_My breathing getting heavy as I kept pushing his chest, my muscles burning as I kept moving frantically, feeling his pulse, screaming. Screaming for him to wake the fuck up! To no avail._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


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